Feeding the Spirit; Speaking Love into Existence

I realize that many people don't constantly ask, answer, re-ask, and re-answer the question, "What are we doing here?", but... I do. As soon as I find a purpose, I again ask, "why?" I am on a constant search for answers, which lead to more questions, more answers, and more questions.

Today, I went to a prayer seminar at my church. We learned different ways to worship, some which may help us connect with God more or in a different way we connected before. After considering the words of a particular song we were singing, I couldn't help but turn over one of the instruction sheets and start writing. In a sense, I felt compelled to do so, or "moved". The words in the song and probably the general peaceful and worshipful ambiance surrounding me inspired me to write.

It is about "wonder" that I was inspired. My constant asking "why" about a million things a day, I believe, is the spirit moving within me, or inspired. I think Jesus wants us to ask, "why?" To constantly stand in wonder. We claim he is "wonderful"... that doesn't just mean "great". It means full of wonder. Jesus WAS (and is) full of wonder himself. To me, that means that Jesus was constantly asking questions.

According to the Bible he certainly knew a lot about the human condition as the people who wrote the gospels proclaim. He spent a lot of time praying and talking to God, which probably involved a lot of introspection. I think he wants us to do that. He wants us to seek righteousness and give love. In order to actually do this, I have done a lot of thinking and praying. A lot of introspection to evaluate if everything I actually do is righteous and loving. Of course it isn't. I fail all the time- which is why forgiveness of others AND the self is so important.

Sure, lots of people don't believe in Jesus. I am on the fence about evangelism because in my mind and heart I want to heal the world. I think that by sharing the message of Hope that Jesus embodies is important if people don't have any (how could you live without hope?). But I don't necessarily believe in converting people from their inherited religion or cultural beliefs completely. The reason I don't "believe" in this, is because so much of what I understand about religion, and how I express my faith through worship is almost an acquired behavior. I sing, pray with my hands folded, read the Bible, sit silently, listen to preachers, take communion, because I always have. I grew up that way. It would be such a difficult transition to have all that taken away from me, if I were told I could not worship through these means.

On the other hand (thank you, Greeks), if someone doesn't have hope, I believe in giving it to them. I think that we are to send messages of love and hope and healing to the whole world. I think evangelism can be more of "outreach" and helping fulfill the earthly needs of people. I believe all people are spiritual beings (even if they decline it) in some way. When you meet someone's earthly needs, I think it can translate to the spiritually as well. Even if it takes a long time.

The reason I think we are spiritual beings even if people decline it, is if we are not, we would not be expressive. I think we all have the capability and necessity to express ourselves, otherwise we would be robots. I also believe (sadly) that some people operate as robots. They lack quality of life because their spirit has been repressed, oppressed, or depressed. This is terrible, and why I believe in Hell.

I've experienced places of Hell in my life already. No, I wasn't starving, beaten, or kicked around by a dictator. But my heart has been tortured. I have experienced severe betrayal. I have faced some harsh realities in life thus far.

Praise be to God and Jesus, the Light of Hope that I have been pulled out of this spiritual form of hell on earth. It is because hope existed, because something better for me and bigger than myself, that I pursued on and did not give up. It is because of this everyday, that I continue my life in pursuit of love and living.

There may very well be a heaven and hell after we die. Who am I to know, not having been there to see? I think it exists here too. We may spend a few days in hell, reach a realization, and by the Grace of God be removed and start living again, refreshed and rid of the anxieties of the days. We may spend days living happily and joyously, without a care in the world, until disaster strikes. We don't have money to pay the bills. A family members passes and we are in mourning. We go through anxiety and sadness, and perhaps fall deeper into a depression where we can not longer see the joyous light we experienced before. This is hell. Thankfully, hopefully, someone else is there to bring us out of the shadows and show us the path of hope, the road back to living, back to heaven. We rejoice.

I am no different than any other. If anything, I'm more blessed and sheltered from 'the ways of the world' than most, considering I live in America. For that I am thankful and sorrowful at the same time. So what to do now? I think we should step out into the world and speak words of love to everyone. I believe in the power of the tongue, the influence of words (and actions). May every moment I speak love, peace and healing to all.

Oh Geez! Confession Time.

I realize there is probably legitimate well-researched data on the etymology of "geez," however I want to write my own speculation.

When people say "geez," I think they could be referring to either of a couple things (probably without realization). It could either be short for "Jesus" or a lengthening of the "G" of "God".

Lot's of people "take the Lord's name in vain" even if they don't believe in "the Lord," that particular deity or any deity at all. Some consider it a sin, though, my personal perspective is it is irrelevant if it is a sin or not. If it is, so be it. If it isn't, I'm sure I've committed plenty of other sins besides this one.

Saying "Geez!" instead of "Jesus Christ!" or "Oh, Gee!" instead of "Oh, God!" is *I think* a method of expressing oneself in some sort of negative way (in vain- though the definition does not exactly encompass all negativity) without "taking the Lord's name in vain." However... if we really wanted to escape this phenomenon we would completely do without using "His Name" even in an abbreviated version. Why not say, "Oh, Daffodil!"?

For some reason, we really do want to refer to God or Jesus when we are upset. Another way of thinking of this is a sort of brief passionate prayer. Perhaps what we are really doing is not "taking the Lord's name in vain" (in vain- meaning lacking substance or worth), but rather calling upon God and/or Jesus for guidance, comfort, or strength.

I haven't really been thinking about the above for long. What I have been thinking about is Lent. About how difficult it has been to stay away from the three things I chose to cut out. As soon as I thought I had it down, the craving for coffee or graham crackers creeps up. I put myself in situations, like not packing anything to eat for work. Or not sleeping (not on purpose) all night and having to work the next day. I have managed to ward off these temptations. I don't see either product as evil (though.. I do see some wrong in unfairly traded coffee and the individual wrappers of the graham's at work).

As far as facebook goes- CONFESSION- I checked it AGAIN! After reading some more about Japan, I remembered that a college friend of mine had lived there for several years and recently married a lady from there. I don't know what city they were in, and I didn't know if they were back in the United States. Even though I don't keep up with Clint and have never met his new wife, I was still desperate to know whether or not he was alive. So, I checked. It appeared that he and his wife are in the U.S. so I clicked out quickly.

In retrospect, since I don't really know how Clint or his new family are affected by the explosion's aftermath, I don't I made a mistake. Sure, it's worth confessing because it raises a good question, but a sin? I'm not so sure.

The discipline of fasting shows me how transfixed I was on certain things. How involved those things were in my life. I got up and fixed coffee every day out of habit. I didn't always enjoy ever sip of coffee. I certainly didn't always need the "pick me up" the caffeine provided. Much of the time, my consumption was without purpose.

The same goes with graham. Graham crackers are always available at work and require no premeditated thought. They aren't even THAT filling, and though compared with a Little Debbie are more nutritious, aren't THAT healthy.

Facebook however, is sometimes useful. It's a quick easy way to get useful information. Even though checking and updating statuses a zillion times a day is obsessive and often NOT purposeful (except for an individual's eg0), it is often a good source for networking and sharing news (I love checking Taylor and Ravenna's links), and keeping up with my far-off friends (Leilani and Ally, I miss you) and family (all of you!).

I'm going to stick with my Lenten commitment even though I've failed twice now. I think there's a message herein as well. Thanks to the Hope in Transformation Christ shows us through his Resurrection, we can begin anew... in every moment of every day. So just because I screw up a few times... or... a zillion times... I can start over. Thank you Everlasting Everlastance.

PS- YOU can do this too... believe it or not ;)

God, Satan, Jesus, Chomsky, James and John walk into a bar...

So for Lent I gave up three things: graham crackers, coffee, and facebook. I have already failed once (though... only once).

I gave up graham crackers because I eat way too many of them at work. Though I have recently gained a few pounds, I think that is more hormonal than because of the grahams. Eating so many individually wrapped packages of graham crackers goes against my religion. Wait no, it actually goes against my attempt to lessen my impact on the landfills. Too must plastic! I have not eaten a graham cracker since Shrove Tuesday.

Coffee. Since reading about coffee and chocolate, I decided to only drink/eat fair trade coffee/chocolate. I gave up coffee completely for Lent because it contributes to inflammation. I've been having a lot of flare-ups with my joints again recently so this choice might be a forever choice... not just forty days. I have been successful and not had a single cup since Shrove Tuesday.

Ok... here's where the devil tempted me. Facebook. I checked my facebook news the day of the tsunami because my cousin moved to Hawaii less than two weeks ago. I only checked it once, didn't find an update, so I texted her. I haven't checked it since.

What I've found is that after a few days, the temptation of partaking in my fasted items has lessened. The temptation only lasts for a couple minutes for a cup of coffee. Once I say "no" in my head, I'm good to go. It's an issue of mind over matter I guess.

There are some people who believe in "speaking things into existence." Conversely, some may believe in NOT saying things, to ensure that they don't come true. A friend quickly brought up the example of not saying "Voldemort" in the Harry Potter series, because the more you say his name, the more power he gains. This is actually a real psychological tactic I've used, and I imagine others use as well.

I think this is rooted in James 3:1-12. I asked a co-worker/friend how she stays calm in such an anxiety ridden place as the one in which we work (a hospital). She pointed me to a passage in John which talked about not allowing our hearts to be anxious and troubled. The James passage says the tongue (our speech) is like a ship's rudder that directs the course of something larger than us. This SEEMS true, and according to Chomsky's "A Review of B.F. Skinner's Verbal Behavior", verbal behavior is "[a] remarkably complex phenomenon," (Chomsky 1959). This paper criticizes Skinner's verbal behavior theory or loosely put- the influence of our words. Both scholars acknowledge the movement of influence of language on others.

Have you been searching for the bar joke concerning God, the Devil, Jesus, James, John and Noam Chomsky? I haven't made it up yet. I just thought it was an interesting title that would get people to read my blog. See how the manipulation or "traps" work? Was it a trap, or was it using my words to direct a path? "Manipulation" seems evil. To "direct" seems less evil. "Guide" seems well-intended. There's a point here: obviously, some perspective is involved. Also though, is there is passage of time and events that is involved. When discussing whether is something is "good" or "evil" it often depends on the end result.

When things go well in our lives, like "successfully" fasting on graham crackers and coffee, we attribute these things with thanks to God... as blessings. When things happen that are bad or evil, often we blame the devil. However, I think what James points out, is that we take an ACTIVE part... we are the means, by which either the God or Devil... good things or bad things... take place in the world. This is why being responsible and making sound decisions (like, not hurting others) is important. Our influence in the world may be infinite, and we have the choice (free will) to allow God to be apart of it- to be a vessel of blessings- or to let the devil take over -to be a vessel of hate.

Here's another thing. Though it has been relatively easy to "say no" to the temptations calling me to drink coffee (which may actually be physiological since it was a bit of a habit) or eat graham's and facebook, it has opened my eyes to the other "temptations" or opportunities for me to steer my rudder-speech into ghastly stormy waters. This week my boss made me cry, because she said I was being disrespectful to her. I probably was a little disrespectful, though not rude, because I thought she made a bad call which could result in a patient choking on a food he wasn't supposed to eat. He ended up not choking, even though she gave him the wrong food (against doctor's orders). Here, the end result was fine, though partially by chance. It is still likely that this person could choke on this particular food if he eats it again.

How could I have been a better vessel? I tried to be a deliverer of care (good) but ended up also being a vessel of distress to my boss via disrespect (bad).

In addition, when I expressed to a male co-worker my interest in the ministry, he contributed that he did not believe that women should hold positions in the church. He gave some half-way legit reasoning (at least he had a reason!), though I still disagree. In return I gave him some half-way legit appeal. The conversation was short and civil.

Later, yet another co-worker (who had overheard both conversations) came over to an exhausted me, gave me a hug, and reminded me that the devil tempted Jesus while he fasted in the desert for forty days. I think this is a wonderful metaphor for our lives. While we walk into the unknown future labyrinth of life, we will leave marks. We will be tempted to leave bad marks. But if we attempt to be mindful and observe the consequences of our tongues (and actions) we may leave a good mark, a good energy, a good influence on our neighbors. To me, this is God's commandment, as expressed in "Love one another" (1 John 4:7).

http://cogprints.org/1148/1/chomsky.htm. A Review of B. F. Skinner's Verbal Behavior" in Language, 35, No. 1 (1959), 26-58.

No Children were abused in the process of making these brownies... seriously.

A few of my friends and I started a book club. We're reading our first book called Everyday Justice by Julie Clawson. Not only do I recommend it, I am of the stronger belief that it should be required of every person in this country that is "able to make ends meet."

The chapter I'm in the midst of reading and mourning is about chocolate. Most people think of chocolate as a sin because if you eat too much of it you get fat. It's a luxury for sure- easy to get addicted to, take advantage of- a way to abuse your body. Coffee has acknowledge similar traits (though NOT from the same plant!). Admittedly, many people drink coffee and caffeine as a legal drug. Why is it that we so harshly judge those who partake in illegal drugs? (This is not meant to justify illegal drugs or any drugs.)

Well, guess what?! Just like partaking in illegal drugs and the crime associated with drug trade, we participate in the same crime by eating chocolate and drinking coffee. Little children and adults are forced into slavery every day to pick cocoa and coffee beans. The slave trade that existed in the 19th century still exists today (though slavery is illegal worldwide). Companies like Nestle and Herseys knowingly buy cocoa that come from farms run by slaves and ghastly slave drivers. Then we buy the chocolate. It's cheaper for US... paid for by the LIVES of OTHER PEOPLE.

There's a reason that we pay for "quality" aka TRUE COST. Why is it that we believe we are to live in the lap of luxury? Why is it that we work so hard, just so that we can spend our money on things that don't last and don't fulfill us? Why, why, why?

These brownies were made with cocoa that says it is organic and fair trade. The canister cost $7.00, and I used 1/3 of it. Originally intended for my church's hospice group, I made them a week early, so am taking them to work. I don't eat brownies every day. In fact, I'm not sure of the last time that I ate one before today. Oh yeah, and not only were not any kids beaten in the process, but that taste really good! They taste even better without that tinge of blood.

I realize that this post is harsh, graphic and perhaps not very uplifting. We are approaching the season of Lent. Christ, many years ago, DIED for our SINS. He also gave us HOPE through his TRANSFORMATION. There will be sadness in the world always. There will also always be hope.

I am grateful today for the gift of LIFE. I choose to live it as a servant of the Lord and Creation (you all). May whoever reads this, also be grateful. Know that you are loved! Know that you have a purpose! Know that there is HOPE in CHANGE! Know that you have the ability to share that hope and love to others by the choices you make in every moment of your beautiful life.

counselors

This post is dedicated to my community of friends, my councelors, my family, the world, and God. As is... every post. :)

Being a Prophet and Sharing Good News...

This past summer I moved into a converted garage apartment. I no longer live there. It did not function very well, or better said, was not up to my standard of living. The window unit did not work very well, and there were some holes where the windows met the walls and sill. Some of the windows just kind of fell out of the frame when I wasn't home, so keeping cool air in was practically impossible.

I spent most of my time outside when I wasn't working, probably because being "inside" was the same temperature most of the time. There was a nice yard that I shared with the other women on the property. I practiced yoga outside daily. My practice was much deeper than it is now. I think the extreme heat inspired me to do so.

As I became more comfortable with my standard set of sun salutations and various other asanas, I experimented with more. I placed my arms and legs in positions according to my spirit. It was not a listening experience, but more of a discovery. I think my mind said, "Let's see if this position stretches something that needs to be stretched, that hasn't been stretched yet."

After I "made-up" a few of "my own" poses, I decided I would do some research, more study on Yoga, to learn more "real" poses. Alas! The poses "I" had "created" were in the book I found in the library. Amazing! It was a curious and an empowering discovery. I thought to myself... "Could I be one of those gurus of Yoga in the making?" I thought it was a pretty crazy idea. I read more about some gurus in this book, and other students' experience in learning from them. They were so disciplined, and even though I practiced yoga frequently and prayed a lot, I was certainly not as disciplined as them. So surely, the answer was "no"... I probably was not a guru-in-the-making.

Because I believe I am filled with the Spirit of God, I devote my practices to the Divine Spirit. This is greatly acknowledged throughout my practice, that I am merely a house for the Spirit of the Lord. It is simply acknowledged at the end, by saying "Namaste" which to me, is an offering of thanks to God for the Life I experience.

I have thought about this now for months (not REALLY a long time, I know!), but I think that in a way, we all have that ability to be prophets. Something emerged within me to create poses. I created them for the first time for my particular body, as a teacher never taught them to me. However, as the book I found showed me, I was not THE creator of these poses. I was not the first to have ever put my body in those positions. Only in my arrogance and ignorance could I claim to be the first.

Again, being of the faith that I am, I devote this emergence of poses (as with all of my ideas and experiences) to God, the Creator of Creation, who dwells within me. Did God speak to me through a burning bush and tell me to create "squatting tree" (elegant sounding, I know!)? No. But my asanas are physical manifestations of God because they are creative and expressive.

So, like my experience with creating yoga asanas by some kind of emergence or inspiration of Spirit, so are my ideas. So are YOUR ideas.

I do not claim to be the ONLY prophet. I suggest that we all have this capability. What is a prophet? Is it not a person who shares new-found good news? If we "tap into" our Spirit, which to me is the Spirit of God, and have an "epiphany"... isn't that usually some kind of "good news"? Some kind of "realization"? Something that... maybe already existed, but was just "made clear" to you? Don't you normally go around telling people about these things?

How many conversations do you start that go like this:

"I was reading in this book/paper/article about this... I realized 'that's me' or 'I think that too!'"

-or-

How many times do you work hard at something that you really want to do, like building a certain project, or creating a work of art... you complete it finally, step back and say, "Wow! I can't believe I finished it. And it actually looks good!" You share your mini-masterpiece with others. Usually they are inspired by your hard work, creativity and perseverance.

When you share with others "your" epiphanies or "your" finished projects, you often inspire them to think or do something. Maybe they walk away thinking, "Hey, I could do something like that!" or "I never thought of that before." You have in a sense shared some good news, a part of your spirit. It survives and grows. Your influence being a catalyst for growth in another persons life. You yourself have become a prophet.

We all know that both good news and bad news is spread in the world. I am called to be a spreader of GOOD news, though I find myself spreading bad news as well. It is difficult to turn bad things into good, or at least even be non-reactive. It is through my practice of mindfulness and attempt at constant prayer that gives me strength not to participate in sharing bad news (gossip, telling lies, calling names, professing judgements, etc). I fail of course. I fail more than I want to confess. THIS is why Jesus is so important. It is not "okay" that I fail, but it is inevitable. Jesus however showed us that though we as mere humans are destructive, if we are filled with the spirit of God, and answer the higher calling, the destruction that we either create (as people who put Jesus up on the cross) or the destruction that we suffer (as Christ suffered on the Cross) will create something new. Christ was resurrected and transformed into something new, as the Creator God promised he would. Christ's death which was devastating, was turned into Good News later, as he rose again. Today, we talk about Jesus's Life and Death in both terms of sadness and rejoice, but overall his whole story is Good News.

Just as Jesus devoted his life and death to God according to his calling, I believe we as postmodern-day prophets are to do this as well. A complete Life is not all about "living it up". Sacrifice is sometimes necessary to make living within a community (the community of the world) function. We as middle class Americans, give a little and take a lot. This unbalance is not Good News, as it will not inspire much of anything except more greed and selfishness. Maybe we should give a little, and take a little less. Actually sacrifice some of ourselves, kind of like Jesus did. There are few that will walk along this narrow path, and I haven't met anyone as full of the Spirit of the Jesus that I've heard of. But it would be pretty sweet to hear of more. A sweet sweet sound indeed.