Spring

Spring. Though it is not "officially" spring, today is the beginning in my mind. I am inspired by the warmth I feel on my bare arms, and the slight breeze that blows my skirt around my feet as I eat black beans and rice outside on the stoop in the afternoon sunshine.

I have been researching and reading about Ash Wednesday, Lent and Easter lately, looking for prayers in preparation of the upcoming season. It came to my attention a few years ago, the question of why we celebrate Easter, the Death and Resurrection of Christ, in the Spring. We celebrate his Birth in the dreary months of winter, which is famously and somewhat universally a symbol of death.

Why did the church leaders of the path make this so? It has become common myth (myth because it is hearsay and I have not SEEN evidence) that these dates are flip-flopped (and please correct me if I'm wrong). But that way back in the day Christ was actually BORN in April, and DIED in what we know as December.

If this is indeed true (the flip-floppiness), I think it is a smart move from whoever decided it. During the Spring, Christians are reminded that there is indeed physical Death, that we will inevitably experience. We are reminded in the midst of Spring Celebration, that there is always Mourning to come. Whether it is mourning in our personal lives such of a family member, but also that Life is not all a bed of roses, which begin their bloom in the Spring.

Just as we are reminded of Death, in the midst of our Celebration of Spring, we are reminded of Birth in winter. During the long cold, dark, harsh winter months, we are oppressed by Nature and limited in some of our activities. But in the midst of this, Christ is Born! A signal that something great is to come in the future, thus we Rejoice! A Light in the Dark!

How clever of someone to have set this tale... Well, at least for this side of the Earth. I suppose the other side is celebrating at the appropriate time!?

How am I supposed to put myself in Jesus's shoes, if He didn't wear any?

On the way to work I heard the song "How Many Kings" by Downhere. It catalyzed the following.

What we as Christians are asking of others is to be freed. Freed from works, freed from the ways of the world- the anxieties and worries and obligations... our daily burdens. Some religions may require a certain process in order to reach 'good standing' with God/Gods (like works, sacrifices, stewardship, etc.). Perhaps they require some or all of these things in order to have salvation, or an entry into Heaven or What Lays Beyond Death.

Think of it as a ticket. What do you have to do to get a ticket into Heaven (whatever that is..)? Christ tells us we do not have to have anything but Him. It was his blood shed on the cross that paid our way into heaven. There are no strings attached. No stewardship, works, deeds, sacrifices, prayers, promises, or time lived "without sinning" is necessary to have eternal life. Ok, ok... you're saying, "Duh!"

What about people who say... "you must accept Jesus into your heart" or "just believe in Him" to get into Heaven... Is this correct? Isn't that adding a little something something to this salvation business? Didn't Jesus save everyone? And didn't he do that ohhhh 2011 years ago? My thought: It already happened. He already saved you, me and everyone in between.

I think one failure as Christians is sometimes we worship Heaven itself. We don't even know what it entails! Is it "sitting in clouds after we die playing harps all day" as my pastor laughingly described? Is it a molecular fusion in some meta-universe? Is it becoming a star in the mysterious night sky?

I don't know. No one knows. There is no way to experience what happens after we die because we cannot transcend time. Perhaps Christians shouldn't focus so much on what happens after we die... because we aren't in control of that anyway. Also, if Jesus already came and saved everyone... then you're good to go. There's no reason to waste your breath in "saving people" because it's already been done.

A month or so ago my pastor said something that has stuck in my mind and been on repeat almost every day. He said, "The Kingdom of God is Now." Whether in context or out, it is so profound to me. Don't we normally think of the Kingdom of God as... Heaven? Which... is NOT now? How, pray tell, can this be?!

The phrases "God is always with us" and "God is everywhere and everything" come into mind. These ideas are basically saying that God is an active part of THIS life. On earth. I think most Christians would agree with this. If that's true... then the Kingdom IS now... on earth. Sure, perhaps it is also Heaven or the Afterlife, but if you believe that God is active in your daily life... then you are also saying that the Kingdom is Here and Now.

So.... what does that have to do with anything? Let's look at how Jesus fits now. Above, we talked about his pivotal role in Salvation. But that Salvation had to do with "getting into Heaven"... So how does our "salvation" by the sacrifice of Christ apply in our "earthly life" or God's Kingdom... which is also HERE and NOW. In other words... how does Christ act as the Savior in our daily lives (not just in our eternal life)?

What does Christ do? Doesn't he go around telling people that materialism is bad? To not worship possessions? The answer is yes. If you do not worship possessions, as in worry about where you will get the newest phone or most fashionable clothes, then that alleviates stress in your life. Christ also says that He is your daily bread and drink. We all know that you cannot biologically live on just the Word of God alone... we don't digest paper very well. Though, how many of us worry about 'getting a meal to the table' and yet aren't eating just plain rice and beans. As long as you have SOMETHING to eat (about 1500 calories should do the trick) then what are you stressing out about? Or.. what are you worshiping? Really good food? That pizza that your heart desires? Yeah, quit stressing about your food bill you, pizza worshipper!

What else do you stress out about? What else worries you? One way Christ can help us quit worrying (or saving us from worry) is to simply try to envision that day. There's Jesus... carrying a big-ass cross on his back, while being yelled at and cursed at, stones being thrown at, blood dripping down every inch of his body, WILLINGLY, in order to save these weary souls.... Put yourself in His shoes. Oh wait, he probably didn't even have shoes. Now... in comparison to the torture that He went through that day, is your problem really that great? I'm thinking the answer is "no". I can see Jesus sitting up in Heaven on a nice fluffy cloud shaking his head saying, "Aww, poor baby, did you get to work 5 minutes late? Ha! Try getting lynched with a cat-of-nine tails and then having your appendages driven into wood with 2 inch-wide nails!"

See? Jesus can save us in our earthly life as well. The story of his Crucifixion reminds us that... life really is not that bad. Especially for those who are reading this blog. I read someone's facebook status the other day that said something like, "If you have the privilege of Internet access in order to read this facebook status, your life really cannot be that bad!" Sometimes we just have trouble keeping life in perspective, what matters and what doesn't. Jesus tells us basically that most things in the world do not matter. What matters is your journey of being a good person, your willingness to die to the ways of the world in the service of humankind.

Love. This is one of the key lessons of Jesus. Do you live your life, in every second of every day in accordance to love? I have a natural tendency to be selfish. I think most humans do. I try to love everyone, but sometimes I fail, and act on my own accord. We are inherently like this, which is why God tells us that we must love each other. This is the path of the Light. Otherwise we fall into darkness. It is much easier to live in darkness and selfishness. But if you do not try to live otherwise as much as you can, darkness and heathenism will take over. That will be the end of man-kind on the earth. It will probably be the end of most life on the earth since we are so prevalent and kill everything in our way.

The point of this, is that the narrow road that Christ wants you to walk is not necessarily one of deeds, but is one of love. People think that it means not breaking the law, or not having sex before marriage... but it doesn't necessarily mean that. I think whatever is done out of love... is Love. Whatever is done out of spite, selfishness or hate... is Hate. So... those Christians who are still prejudice whether it's about sexual orientation, race, what people are wearing or what kind of music they listen to... those are still hateful people and are heathens living in darkness. People minding their own business and going out of the way to spread love and peace to others, are living in the light (whether they are "Christian" or not).

I have to develop these ideas more. I beg for comments and criticism in order to further this conversation and make more sense of it! The lyrics to that song are copied below.

How Many Kings by Downhere

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we've projected
A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we've waited for?

Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he'll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we've waited for?
It's who we've waited for

Following my calling... to fiber arts!

Originally (over a year ago) this blog was to be about knitting. A tracker for my accomplishments and a personal warehouse for information. If you read my previous post, it seems to have turned into more.

I write when I am inspired. For a while, I didn't knit, so I didn't blog about knitting. For a while, I only played pennywhistle. For a while, I only read. Now, I find myself doing all these things on a fairly regular basis. And guess what... I'm ELATED!

Spirituality is a huge part of my life. Someday I will write a poem (Alexander Pope-style) or a children's book about the intricacies of God and the Soul and how they are woven together. This metaphor is so clear in my mind. For me, it makes knitting a meditation, a form of worship, a way to connect with God.

That being said, it is WITH SHEER JOY that I share this: I am spinning with a drop spindle!

Jennifer from Rose Path in Lindale taught me! She's wonderful, as is the entire shop!

I'm using Peace Fleece and an Ashford Turkish Drop Spindle.

Also, I've been attending Shawl Ministry at First Christian Church in Tyler.

Let me know if you want to join! We sit and knit or crochet, talk about and pray for church members

or others that aren't doing well, share what's

going on in our lives...

you know, just fellowship while

making shawls which will be given to church members who need some comfort in their lives. This is my first one... it's going to take a while to finish!

To come... Meeting a farm girl at work, raising goats, knitting with great pyrenees and rabbit hair, and Irish Wedding Shawl story... This world is just full of fun and joy!

God is always present... how often are we? (Part One)

First off... Tom. Before Christmas I was driving back from Canton on 64, going the speed limit of course, 50mph. I happened to glance at the the Valero station and see an past-middle-aged man sitting on the ground. Why he caught my eye at the time, I wasn't sure. A week later, on the way to Canton, I saw him again, this time he had a bicycle. A couple days later on the way in from Christmas celebration with my family, he was sitting in a fold-up chair. He had caught my eye (definitely not in the attractive sense... he's very rough looking from afar) and never left my thoughts since the first time. As the nights got cold, I worried about him. Not even knowing his name yet.

I decided I needed to do something. God had put him in my life for a reason. I did not want to blow this off. I couldn't. It's not like I passed a bum and then quickly decided to move on... he was continually put in my path... how many times was I supposed to ignore him? I made some soup and bought peanut butter and bread, packed it up in a bag, adding a knife, spoon, napkin, and candy-cane shaped container of M&Ms.

In between all of this and my regular daily life, I prayed. Not with my hands folded every time or with my eyes closed. But just in my head and heart. I do this all the time actually, and no one even knows I'm doing it, except God of course. I asked God why this random homeless person kept occupying my thoughts. What am I supposed to do? What does he need? I didn't get much of an answer. Because I didn't get a booming voice with a significant idea, I figured everyone needed food... and probably someone to talk to.

When I got there it was awkward at first. I walked up and said something like, "I've seen you sitting here for a while... what's the deal? I brought you some soup. I just made it." He thanked me with a nod, and realizing that I wasn't just going to drop it off and speed out of there, he started talking. We didn't talk that long, maybe 10 minutes. He told me he was a painter and had done a job for some family, but they skipped town and didn't pay him. His car had broke down a while back. He had been getting rides from his family, but now he didn't have a way to get around, a place to stay, or a job. He said that lots of people had stopped and given him things, like food, clothes, a sleeping bag... but that no one had given him what he really needed... a job. I told him I'd put the word out. I put up a facebook post, mentioned it to some church friends, and told everyone at work.

I didn't make a big deal out of it. I didn't and still don't know how, part of the reason I'm writing this blog. I looked on craigslist and other Tyler jobs sites for paint jobs and found nothing. Truth be told, I already know most people are not hiring because I've kept an eye out for a new job myself the past couple months. The only thing I found was a flyer in my apartment's laundry room for some service positions. I also called the Salvation Army to see what the deal is there. "We have rules," is what the lady told me after she explained that people could come live and work there. She said most people do not want to live by there unspecified-to-me rules.

I took that information to Tom this morning. On the way I picked up a cup of coffee and two breakfast sandwiches from Burger King so I wasn't showing up completely empty handed which is what it felt like anyway. I gave him the info about the washing machine company which he recognized and said he already tried. They won't hire him because he hasn't worked for one company for over a year, to which I replied, "I've only worked at one job that long... and I've had quite a few jobs..." I also offered to take him to the Salvation Army and reminded him it was about to get very cold out at night, and they might have better shelter than the bush he sleeps under. He said he'd been there, and that it is like a jail. They make you work there, there's still not any jobs, and make you come up with $60 a week to stay. To that I said, "Well, then what are we supposed to do with you?" He said he would survive. He has done it before.

After talking about other stuff like where all he has lived, the jobs he's done, a mention of a second wife cheating with his best friend, our conversation lasted at least an hour. I still intend on keeping my eye out for him and checking in with a hot cup of coffee in a few days. But whether or not I do any good for him beyond that I don't know. What I do know is there is a serious need for more open re-entry programs for people like Tom who need something with less strings attached.

What I also know is God is out there in the hearts of all kinds of people. Jesus provides symbol of hope, of something better. Tom knows there will be something that will come along. He said so. He said that the Lord has provided him with things through the years, and that He will continue to do so. If a homeless and jobless person can have hope and faith... A person without a church, without a Bible, can know God, through His Mere Presence.. how Awesome is that? God is everywhere. He sees everything. What do you see when you look around?

Meeting our Maker... what's Heaven look like to you, prophets of the world?

"I'm surprised that anyone could do your work and NOT be a Christian."

Has anyone said this to you? What would your response be?

To me, God is IN everyone. In Genisis he BREATHS LIFE into Adam. From the very begining. He is the begining of our souls, of our having souls. Because of this, whether or not you acknowlege his prescense in your life, or accept Jesus as your savior, God is in you. Before you are even able to have your souls saved, you must have one in the first place. You have one whether you want it or not. Because God gave it to you. It's what seperates every one of us from the birds and bees and rocks and trees.

God is synonymous with Love. GOD IS LOVE. GOD EQUALS LOVE. If you have love in your heart for anyone, it is actually God. THAT is how you can be in service to others without being a "Christian."

A Christian is someone who accepts Jesus Christ as their savior. The keeper and healer of their souls. Without the cleansing of his blood, your soul does not go to Heaven... supposedly. I don't KNOW this to be true- I HAVE FAITH that it is true. Faith is simply believing in things impossible to be proven.

Now, it would make sense to me, that even though God wants us to "accept Jesus in our hearts" early on, He would not close off the gates to Heaven so quickly... even after an entire lifetime of opportunities given. If he cares that much about us, and has seen the suffering that has happened here on earth (which instead of God's kingdom seems like a kingdom of Temptation..) he would bring us face to face with Jesus after we die. Can you imagine, WHO THEN would make the "wrong" decision...

We stand face to face with Satan every day. He disguises himself as small temptations... breaking promises, not putting our 110% best into our job or school work, not telling the complete truth in every situation. He sneaks himself into the hardest, bleakest, darkest times... when we are the most vulnerable. He says things like, "You are very poor and your family is hungry... why NOT take a few bags of bread from the shelf while you do inventory... no one will ever know. And the grocery store has plenty of money anyway..." This situation is tricky, and I am sure is pretty common in this day and age where most of us are financially stressed.

In most situations, the person probably wouldn't get caught stealing bread and lose his job. God still knows. He knows that you did wrong. He also sees your starving family. He also sent his Son to forgive your sins because he knows that 1) your family is hungry 2) you're human and a sinner by default 3) Satan is knocking at your door 24/7 and leading you astray.

I have come to the conclusion that is God allows us to live in a sinful world HERE ON EARTH and face Satan on a sometimes DAILY basis... Wouldn't he also allow us to face Jesus face to face... at least once??

I believe that when you die, you get to see Jesus, whether you have been a "Christian" your whole life, or never before. I think that you meet him face to face. THEN when you do not accept him as your Lord and Savior you will go to Hell. What a fool would do that! Only someone who actually deserved to suffer eternal damnation. And what a slap in Satan's face... the Devil has to sneak into our lives repetitively in order to entice us away from God... but with one look at Jesus face, surely we would all acknowlege and accept Him. Thus, God wins the whole game.

SO you may ask... what is the point of living a Christian life NOW on EARTH if we all get that one last chance when we die, to meet our Maker... more on this later. :)

Devotionals

I decided to write a couple of devotionals for the Advent season. Even though I don't know what to do with them now. The first one is short and the second one not so much.

#1

"Dream of the Rood" is one of the oldest pieces of Old English literature. The author is unknown, but it is speculated to have been written between 600-800 AD. It is a poem written about a man who in a dream, has a conversation with the Cross that Jesus Christ was crucified upon. The Cross recounts the day. Before, he was a tree- alive and rooted in the ground. Then came the anger of the people, chopping him up, readying him to be the place of death for Jesus. He describes the pain of the nails being driven through Christ's hands, piercing the wood, and the blood that spilled out of Jesus, staining him. He remembers how valiant The Kind of Kings was. He remembers how he knew he must stand tall, strong and sure. He did this when he was a tree, so he knew how, but now he had a purpose for doing so.

Christmas day, a celebration of Jesus's birth. The beginning of the Sacred Life that will save us all through His Sacrificial Death.

As we sit around our Christmas trees this season may we be reminded of what is to come… A tree will become a Cross, and a baby, a Savior. May we live our new purpose, walk in the way of the Lord, and be a vessel for Faith, Hope and Love.

#2

Psalm 30:5
Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

For many, the hustle and bustle of the holidays is due to frantically completing the Christmas shopping, cooking holiday meals, making calls back and forth to family and friends concerning traveling and party arrangements- all building up to that joyous moment that your child screams in delight because he or she got "the toy" they really wanted. Or you finally get to spend the day relaxing and sharing a feast with family you haven't or friends you haven't seen all year. For some however, it is not the case.

Last December, a just a few days before Christmas, a co-worker of mine lost her 8-year old little girl due to heart problems. This December my cousin's 9 month old baby had a stroke, indirectly caused by a virus that as I write, persists, leaving them in the hospital for Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas. This past Wednesday a co-worker lost her best friend to suicide. Thursday, a different co-worker came home to find her husband on the floor, unresponsive, his spirit already Home to the Lord. December holds much weeping.

The busy rush of December for me has been making food for my friends who are in the midst of mourning. Going back and forth to Children's Hospital in Dallas to hold my cousin's hand. Listening to my co-worker recount the last conversation she had with her friend the hour before he pulled the trigger. December holds much weeping.

The faces I see before me are frantic with worry of illness, pain of loss, and fear for the soul. Then out of the mouth of these faces comes the question, "Why?"

Why… why… why? How am I supposed to answer this question?

The only thing I have been able to come up with is, "I don't know." As I listened to the painful cries and questions of my co-worker until the wee hours of Thursday morning, I prayed. I prayed for guidance. For words of wisdom, comfort and love. It was awkward as I waited. I asked God, "what am I doing here?" and "what am I supposed to say?!" I didn't think I was doing any good. Finally, it came.

I told her that God saw all things, good and bad. Though taking one's own life may be a sin, God saw the suffering of depression that led up to it. I recalled and paraphrased the footprints story. "You remember, the Lord and some guy were walking along the beach, leaving two sets of footprints in the sand. Then something happened and the guy turned around to see only one set of footprints. He was like… 'Hey wait a second… Lord… why is there only one set of footprints? I thought you were walking right beside me always?' and the Lord said something to him like, 'Yeah, I was… then you fell, and so I carried you.'"

Though my account of the footprints story was severely watered-down, the picture came across. That God sent His Son to heal all of our suffering and cover every sin. To carry us in our weakest moments, in our worry, our pain, and fear... to an everlasting life of joy in the Kingdom of Heaven.

On the night before Jesus's birth, Mary and Joseph probably experienced worry, pain, and fear. What was to come? But then, a star appeared. A bright light, like morning! Jesus was born! It was a time to rejoice! The darkness was pushed away by the Star of Bethleham and like a beacon, shone! Jesus Christ is born! Worry, pain and fear were replaced with hope, joy, happiness.

Psalm 30:5
Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Pray, Lord...

As the darker elements of life- fear, worry, loneliness, pain, anger, sickness, and death reoccur, so does the light- hope, joy, and happiness because of the birth of Jesus. May Christmas be a light in the midst of darkness. Warmth and comfort during the onset of the winter season. And remind us of the love God has for us, and because of this love, sent us the gift of Christ, and through him, eternal life in Heaven.