WWYouD not WWJD

I (finally) did my laundry today. I went to what seemed to an average, run-of-the-mill laundry facility down Berry. What I saw there was both sadly ordinary and extraordinary.

Today's sermon in "big church" was about seeing God where God meets you everyday. It isn't every day that you meet God on the "mountain top" though of course you meet God there. God appeared to Moses in the desert wasteland at the bottom of Horeb not the top.

Religious literature and conversations are full of this analogy of one's life journey as one large or several mini ventures and struggles with the mountain top. It seems many of us are always reaching and desperately grasping for the top of the mountain. I think the Buddha would explain that you must indeed come down from the mountain, just as you ascended.

The laundromat. She was hunched over her laundry basket which appeared to be full of crumpled up brown paper sacks, some looking empty and others half-empty with who knows what. She picked one up in slow motion, opened it, and stared into it but not seeing. She was clothed in layers of dirty torn-up gray and had some sort of wrap around her head like half a t-shirt. Old, emaciated, and completely unengaged in the world that she was barely surviving in.

No one spoke to her including myself. People scooted around her if they had to get by. She started shuffling towards the bathroom. It took her a while to get there. She stood in the doorway for a bit and if she were more conscious of what she was doing she may have mustered a look of confusion. It's hard to tell what her face was reflecting besides suffering and lackluster.

I'm not sure that she was in pain, though it's likely she was at least starving. Intervention is always tricky. What does she need? What can I provide for her that would give her a better life? Some, many, people wouldn't even bother to question. The homeless and hungry are sometimes just grouped into one rapidly increasing number that the weekly newscasters throw in the mix "things to talk about".

One of the things I have been conditioned to ask myself the last year or so is, "Where is God?" in everyday situations. Here, the bottom of the mountain, the desert wasteland, the Berry Street laundromat on a sweltering hot Sunday afternoon, in the face of this woman... "Where is God?"

I think of God as with us always. That there is the Divine in everyone. For some it is locked up in the box of their soul and difficult to perceive it's presence. For others it gushes out without boundaries. And for the rest of us- well, we have our moments of Grace and our moments of... not-Grace.

I didn't see Grace flowing out of this woman. I saw Suffering. Just as God Jesus suffered on the cross, I saw God Jesus suffering in this woman. What flowed out of her was the suffering. What I saw in her was the Divine as portrayed on the Cross.

In the story of Jesus's crucifixion... how did Jesus get to the cross? The soldiers put him there. What about this woman? If this woman is Jesus Suffering, who is putting her there?

We are all apart of this crazy complex system. We put Jesus on the cross every day and half the time don't realize it. The inevitable sphere of influence is never ending and not comprehensible. We get nailed to the cross, just as we nail others. God is with us as grace and suffering. That's probably why we are commanded to seek justice and love one another, so that we can all experience a little piece of the pie. I still do not know the answer for this woman. What would you have done if you been a spectator at the crucifixion? What do you do now?

God, the elephant in the room.

*This isn't my idea. A close friend of mine told me about this analogy. I'm not sure if it's hers or who's it is. I've added to it a bit for clarity and to extend the metaphor. And it needs some further development*

Imagine you are a fly on the wall, or rather, perhaps out of doors on a tree. An elephant is standing near the tree you're resting on. Along comes a group of five blind people. The first one bumps into the elephant. She begins feeling around to figure out what it is. Three of the friends encircle the unknown (to them) thing and feel around to study, curious... and silent.

One person (touching the elephants front leg) says describes it as a rough yet soft, column-like object. It is still and unmoving.

Another person (touching the trunk) describes a wild, quick moving being, blowing out air. Parts of it are rough, parts are slimy like the bottom of a lake. It is gentle and feels like it is responsive to the person's touch, perhaps reciprocate interested in the person.

Yet another one of the blind people, takes hold of another part of the elephant. He describes it as quick-moving, thin, rough, and hairy. The hairs are course, with grit on them. There is a distinct, earthy smell. The part which he tries to hang onto keeps slipping out of his hands, which makes it a bit more difficult to decipher to feel out what the thing is. He can hear a swish as if it is hitting another object nearby. (It's the tail.)

The fourth friend stumbles underneath the beast and reaches his hands up in the air. He could feel a presence above his head, though he could not feel anything at all. There was warmth, like a nearby body, above him. He made out a slight steady beating, like a hollow drum. It was so slight in fact, that he questioned whether he was hearing something outside and above him... or whether it was his own heartbeat.

The fifth friend had walked around the elephant towards the tree for some shade. She sat down and leaned back against the tree, not knowing that I, a fly, was only a few feet above her observing she and her friends. She had not encountered the elephant in anyway.

The fifth friend called out to the others and announced there was a cool place to rest at the tree. The four friends left the object they had just encountered and explored. They each told each other their experiences as described above.

As we see, none of their descriptions were the same. Each description was different. They had no way of actually knowing if they had encountered the same being, or if they were describing parts of one being. They had all been changed at least in gaining of knowledge by their personal experience, but also were enriched (and perhaps confused) by the difference in each others descriptions of the elephant.

It would be easy for them to argue about what it was they encountered. To compete with each other as to "who was right." Instead they rested for awhile before continuing through the savanna. One wondered if they would encounter the elephant again. One kept the memory of it alive and so close to their heart that they felt as if the elephant was there still. One had a bit of all those, and one never thought of the moment again until 10 years later, as a fleeting thought.

Whhoooo aaaarrreee yyyooouuuu?

I'm not about to write anything profound. This isn't some sort of epiphany, but I feel inspired nonetheless. That's what life is really about, right? Recounting over and over again, nothing new under the sun.

I love reading people's quotes (usually via Facebook status updates or random books I'm reading). Many times I have witnessed someone quoting a person who is not of the same religion, ethnicity, gender, or other form of identity, yet for some reason the idea behind the quote is something they can relate to.

For example, quoting Rumi, Jung, Freud, or Gandhi. Rumi was Muslim. Jung, Christian. Freud, Atheist. Gandhi, Hindu. It's funny because this lady at this Women's Disciples assembly I went to a month or so ago quoted Martin Luther King, and she made a joke that no matter what the rest of her speech entailed (like... if it were complete crap) she would have gotten a lot of head-nods and maybe some "Amens!" just because she quoted King. You know it's true!

We look at these people (and others) with adoration because of their genius, profundity, revolutionary contributions to our specific lives, our country or the entire world. Many of their words have become timeless, taken out of context and perpetuated through independent and collective lives everywhere. They become apart of us... and Us.

What blows my mind is how it's possible for people to be so segregated still. So many many of these great people have given such great insight... bridges built upon ideas expressed in languages... bridges that truly can link each of us in some way so that respect and love for each other can cross freely, gracefully from one person to another. We allow these people to inspire us (otherwise read: God inspires us through them), but yet there are still so many obstacles in the world. What's up with that?

I am always curious about people's spirituality and/or religion- where they came from and where they're going. It's a pretty easy question when you don't think about it. Most people in the U.S. (well.. barely, more and more people identify as being agnostic, especially us young ones) would respond to "Christian" if asked what their religion was. However, is it really that black and white of a question? If you're a Christian then does that mean you only have to rely on Jesus the Christ and "The Word" as the tools that mold your spirituality? What about all those other people? What about your parents? What about the random homeless person that you met on a bus that said something so bizarrely profound or observant it made you drop to your knees when you got to your hotel room, asking God, "Did you just talk to me?!"

In other words, are any of us 100% Christian?

A few months ago one of my pastors and I were talking about our faith journeys. It was agreed upon that both of us were born into Christianity, and that much like a Jew is born into Judaism, a born-into Christian may or may not be practicing. In fact, neither of us were sure that we'd buy into Christianity had we not been born into it. I myself have had an interesting journey, exploring Wicca (tree-hugger for life) as a pre-teen and during college various "New Age" material. I find what parts I relate with and keep them, allow them to enrich me and my current situation, and I leave behind the parts that just don't work. I couldn't begin making a pie-chart of religions I feel have made me who I am.

Here's a piece from Lupe Fiasco's song "Words I never said":

Jihad is not a holy war, wheres that in the worship?
Murdering is not Islam!
And you are not observant
And you are not a Muslim

(Who's he talking to here? Isn't he talking to Muslims who take their religion to the extreme... and Christians (+whoever else) who fail to recognize their prejudice against Islam because of the murderous whack-jobs who claim it?)

That being said, if each of us were to examine every contributing factor to our spiritual being I bet very few can say they are 100% anything. And with THAT being said... why again is it that we find it so difficult to relate and get along? Why can't we just focus on the good stuff and kind of drop the other stuff. Like when your boyfriend forgets to pick up his socks and he knows that drives you nuts. Or your wife is always rambling at you when you get home from work. You still love each other, so you learn to work with or tune out those obnoxious disagreements.

Sorry if I sound too much of a hippie- all peace, love, and harmony. But that's what Jesus calls me to be. It's what Gahndi, King, Rumi, and a whole bunch of other people call me to be. Those people are God's instruments of justice, restoration, and peace.

Anyway, so think as if you are Alice in Wonderland. You're stuck in your subconscious, exploring all of these things that you like, dislike, please, and scare you. In the midst a giant hookah-smoking Caterpillar asks you, "Who are you?" Can you come up with anything better than, "...I hardly know[?]"

Roots

A friend of mine told me I somewhat reminded him of the Jason Aldean song "She's Country." For a lot of reasons I think he's right. I don't feel completely comfortable in the western glam scene, because it is just that… glam. Just like the rap scene has been over-commercialized with bling so has the country scene become bedazzled. But being grown in Texas soil makes me bleed something unfound in the concrete, smog, and industrial/commercial BS I see so much of.

During college, linking up with hippie-types I felt a strain between the two subcultures. I grew up in both the suburbs and small towns in Texas. I went to Mexico (bordertowns/la frontera) a lot as a kid. I fished and gardened. All this has made me what I am today.

For this post, in lieu of mother's day, a way of celebrating our beginnings and formation of life, I'll write about some specific things that have shaped who I am today… my fondest memories.

One of my fondest memories is visiting my Grandmommy's ranch in Campbell. I'd go there with my dad to visit. My cousin and I would go to the sand-pit where I remember her teaching me that girls too can pee on the ground. My aunt and grandmother would help us make things like decorated walking sticks, adding fake fur, leather braids and beads. We would go to the lake and hunt for arrowheads, which we'd actually find some of, and search for four-leaf clovers and make bookmarks with pressed flowers.

My mom and I lived with my Memaw for a while on the farm a couple times. I think if I felt like anywhere was home, that was it. Someday I'd like to buy that place back from the people who own it now. There were lots of trips to the feed store with PawPaw, feeding ponies and dogs with Memaw, planting marigolds. I spent many a year in black rubber boots. I remember one time in my junior years we had worked all day outside on something, and we went in and sat under the fan and ate cheddar cheese crackers and peanut butter with a ice cold Coke. Now and then when I let myself eat that, my mind goes straight back to those days, and boy does it taste good.

Even though my mom and dad were divorced he would come to the farm and visit and hang out. These memories are a bit fuzzy of course because I might have been 3 or 4. What I do remember is Dad and I would go down to the big lake across the field and look for beavers. We have a video tape somewhere that Dad filmed as we tracked the beavers, checking out their dens, but being careful not to disturb them. All of my family made sure to point out critter tracks and taught me how to determine which animals was which. It's still one of my favorite things to do. Also when Pawpaw, Memaw, Mom and I would go to into town (Honey Grove) we'd go to Doc's, the only restaurant besides Dairy Queen. On the way home we'd look for animals, being careful not to run any over. This taught me to respect and love the creatures in God's world. And also to pay attention to my whereabouts.

My grandaddy also did this as he was a big part of my fishing life. He has a place here in east Texas "The Lake" as we call it. My Mom, Papa, brother, cousin, aunt & uncle all go spend weekends there with Grandaddy and Maroba. We learned to fish of course. We also learned to be quiet, to get up early if you actually want to catch something, and to respect nature. You throw fish back if they aren't big enough. You try to be careful when you unhook them, especially if you're throwing them back. My Grandaddy is a pretty tough man that you wouldn't want to cross, but he will feel guilty if he catches a young bass in the eye and makes it bleed. There's all kinds of compassion in the world I have learned.

I spent a lot of time down in the fish house where The Keeper cleaned the fish. Ken let me watch (for hours sometimes) so fish guts are not really gross to me. I remember the first time I saw the egg sac of a catfish spill out into the sink. Ken felt bad that a mama fish lost her babies. But thus is the cycle of life in fishing for keeps.

A principle that extends to "good" fishermen and hunters is population control. My Grandaddy taught this to everybody, especially I know to my uncle. Legally of course there are guidelines where you can't just keep as many fish, ducks, or deer that you want.. They do not want the populations to go extinct. This is their translation of stewardship of the land and it's creatures.

My step-mom Andrea taught me a lot about making-do and being happy with what you have. When I'd go visit them in South Padre we'd eat plain old pasta with butter and salt, have girl's movie nights and light candles to make it "fancy". I looked forward to this every visit. It was simple, cost almost nothing and was just genuine quality time. We also did creative crafts like decorating t-shirts with fabric paint and creating "shell creatures"… hot-gluing sea shells to each other to build people. Even now, when money's tight, I love eating plain old noodles…. and crafting things out of practically nothing is also one of my favorite things to do. I still look forward to our girls nights. They are especially fun when we have wine, tea time or rummy-playing too.

Speaking of tea time, it has always been a quirky thing in my life that I have so much British influence. Not only is Andrea's family half Brit, but my Papa (step-dad) is full-on British. We have tea regularly aka as soon as someone enters the house, as we are settling on the couch to talk in the evening, and a cuppa before bed, Typhoo decaf or chamomile for me. This has added not only many a fond memory, but also influenced the culture of my life. In college if I ever had guests over and wasn't sure what to do with them at first, I would offer them some tea and we'd gather in the kitchen while it was fixed. It's an excellent segue way and adds grace to otherwise awkward hospitality. Also, my Papa has taught me an even bigger lesson. He is often the bridge between my mom and I. We southern women are passionate and have a way with words. My Papa is very good at sitting back and listening to both sides separately and finding a way of explaining where the other person is coming from. I try to do this myself and allow time to heal some things that I know words cannot. Nobody is perfect, and some days our own crosses are heavy enough to carry so that we don't think we can handle someone else's. The next day though somehow, it becomes a bit easier.

My cousin is a piece of work too. I admire her more than she'll ever know even if she reads this. She has the patience of Job, and even though I can be the flakiest cousin in the world, I know she still loves me. The family also laughs when a wasp is in the room because of the "AHHH!" that always comes from her. A favorite fishing memory is getting the moss of her lures because she thought it was gross. Also is my lack of grace rollerblading in their basement in St. Louis and banging my head between those metal pipes as I tried to speed through them. I can always count on Kristen to be a bit more mature than me, and I need that.

My aunt has always been so encouraging. She sends little notes like Andrea just saying "Hi" or for a small holiday. She tells me to go for my dreams because I think she knows I can actually accomplish something big someday. I think she also (as a fellow literature type) understands the depth of symbolism in certain things that other people miss out on. Even if that isn't true, it's encouraged me to look deeper into daily things and in many ways has encouraged me on my faith journey. Without her consistent effort to tell me that God has something special for me, perhaps I wouldn't be on this road. Perhaps I wouldn't have the faith I have now. Maybe I wouldn't have even made it through some of the darker days I have experienced over the years. It's funny because I borrowed a small book from their library when I was really young on ancient Egypt. That's when I became obsessed with religions, culture and symbolism. That's what opened my eyes to a whole new world. That journey hasn't always been pleasant, in fact the opposite, but I am all the wiser. Like the bookmark that she gave me a long time ago which I still have with that famous Robert Frost quote about "the road less travelled." That's the road I've been on. She also gave me one with my name and the meaning of Katherine which is "purity." Believe it or not I have always taken that to heart, and have extremely strong morals. Sure, like many I have made a million mistakes and got hurt because of it, but over all it's made me stronger than ever. Again, I'm glad I was told not to settle.

I gotta add something about my Dad. There's a million times I can think of where he has showed me how to "just be" and enjoy my surroundings. Also to pay close attention to what's going on. I remember on one of the many journeys down the Indian Nations Turnpike we pulled over on the shoulder and got out because there was a bald eagle circling above. I remember him saying something about how I might never see this again in my life. What's cool is that now where he lives there is actually a bald eagle nesting area over the lake. We went there a couple years ago in the winter, stood in the snow and watched them flying around and sitting in the trees. A couple summers ago we saw one really close when we were out on the lake. I could go on about how one time when I lived on the farm we saved a Golden Eagle that someone had shot and left for dead and took it to the bird sanctuary. Also my love for beaches, water, salt-water fishing, Jimmy Buffett, The Kettle and those little wooden peg games.

When I was off with my dad in Missouri or South Padre, I often had pets and plants at home that were left behind, but not neglected. My Mom and Papa faithfully watered and fed all those marigolds, moonflowers, and that huge sunflower I had in Allen. Papa built a great place for my box turtle Cornelius that I found at the lake.

I am pretty sure that most of my family has influenced my love of animals in some way, but I lived with my mom my whole life. She's the one who let me keep them. She's the one who taught me that I had to take care of them. She's also the one that made sure I did my homework, took baths, ate and "wouldn't let me go out of the house like that" until I could decide on my own what looked good. Though we still may not agree on things like that, I'm thankful that for certain things like interviews or nice parties, I know what and what not to wear. Sure I think that society is cruel and judgmental in those situations sometimes, but in order to get the job or perhaps a boyfriend I might have to play by those rules. I've learned when and where I want to play like that.

My mom has always told me to stand up for myself. She has always told me to question people's authority in their reasoning. If someone was mean to me or if I didn't think I could get a job, she has always said, "Well, who are they to say that?!" She told me it took her a long time to start asking that, so she started me out early. I'm so thankful for that because it's the foundation for most of my thinking in every realm. Though there are times now when I question her authority, I think over all it's a good thing. One of the things that makes us human is to think. One of the things that progresses humanity is questioning.

In 7th grade when I didn't want to take piano lessons anymore, she told me I needed to be in band. I had to stay in music somehow she said because my dad was musically gifted when he was younger. She also encouraged me to be in Gifted & Talented and PACE, an accelerated reading program. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have all three of these experiences. If you know me at all, you know I'm a reader. This class also introduced the love affair I have with metaphors and analogies. I wouldn't read the Bible with the same fulfillment this day if not for Mrs. Yant in those classes. In GT I wrote poetry about love and trees, and integrated nature into the classroom by starting a garden in the small blocked-off space outside between school buildings.

Band became my life when we moved to Canton. I actually had something to do in high school. All of those memories hinged on the fact that my mother made me be in band when I just wanted to quit. Even after all those times in high school have passed and exist only in pictures and memories, my passion for music exists today as I play flute sometimes at church or with friends. Countless hours have been spent jamming on flutes, pennywhistles, pianos, guitars, etc. And though my Mom claims my musical side comes from my Dad, some of my favorite memories are singing with her and harmonizing in the car to Celine Dion or Judds songs. I think she contributed more than she thinks to my "ear" for music.

All of my family, even those I haven't specifically mentioned, like many other cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, have all molded me. I have fond memories of everyone and it is those memories that I think about when I'm feeling alone. Those memories are evidence of love, which to me is evidence of God. I could not ever say thank you enough times. I only hope that I have created similar memories with all of my family so that they know, especially in the doubtful times, that they are loved and accepted as they are. I have learned over the years that though we are often held singularly responsible for "how we are" we have much more influence (as you have seen above) in the shaping of each other than we think.

The many faith perspectives, creative influences, compassion for others, love of God's beautiful world and creatures, and freedom and joy of life and celebration which I have embraced molded my personality. My attitude comes from both the opposition I have met over the years and my family as well. My stubbornness comes from being red-headed, which is a mutation and totally not my fault. So thank you family (and friends) for helping me be who I am and who I will become. Thank you especially Mom, on this Mother's Day. And thanks be to God for the Love planted in all of us, that we extend to each other. Amen.

If only snakes COULD talk!

Today I went hiking in the Tyler State Park. I love this because it brings more peace to me than anything in the world. Usually when I start out I unintentionally pseudo-stomp through the forest. I think it helps me get things off my mind. Then I slow down the pace and stumble over rocks and tree roots.

Today however I didn't want to get what was on my mind off, so I was felt like I was floating through the forest. I was so unawares due to my giddy happiness. I was of course listening to the different birds and other critters moving in the trees, but I wasn't really looking out for anything. I did however hear the mountain biker behind me so I moved aside. After he passed I began wandering again. He stopped ahead and told me to watch out because there was a snake on the trail. I guess I had walked over it because I didn't see it. Normally I am very aware of what's around me, especially under my feet. Thank Goodness that guy was nice enough to tell me.

Here we go. Go back to Genesis. God created Adam right? Well Adam was sitting around bored and whatever after he named all the animals. So God creates Eve. I believe strongly that people NEED to be around other people, and today is a testament to that. If that guy hadn't told me about the snake, I might've been bitten. It's less probable I think when there are more people, more eyes, more brains around so that we make better decisions.

Now, about that stupid snake. Snake are sneaky creatures. They are not evil, but are slithery and pretty quiet (like most things are when they are hunting). Many of them are camouflaged. The Genesis serpent is like this snake. Even though this one "talks" it is tricky. It's intentions are ill. Take note that it's ambiguous as to where in the Garden Adam is when the serpent is talking to Eve. God said it was not good for man (and probably woman) to be alone. And we see what happens when woman is alone. It wouldn't surprise me if the serpent had first talked to Adam when Eve was somewhere else that Adam would have done the same thing, offer the apple to his helper. So again, it's good to not be alone talking to serpents in gardens... or being alone in general to deal with real serpents and other bad things that happen in life that sneak up on us.

Suppose Eve WASN'T alone. Suppose Adam was there. It doesn't say that he walks up to Eve and the serpent, it just says that he was there, kind of all of a sudden. If he was there, why didn't he speak up? This goes to show that it's important to speak up for yourself. If he let Eve do all the talking, that wasn't being a very good helper to her. So maybe the lesson here is we need to communicate and back each other up. At least think things through... though it might be nice to have a helper who will just eat anything you fix for him no questions asked. I'm not much for fussy eaters myself :P

One might wonder why I was floating through the forest in the first place. I'm not kidding when I say that Jesus might have talked to me this morning. It was mind blowing. I was in another world and still am. I'll admit that maybe I'm just crazy, but when I dictate things in my head it's my voice doing the talking. All of a sudden I heard "There is a God!" I repeated it out-loud as if to affirm what the voice had said. It wasn't like Jesus was sitting there in car, but it was an experience like none I have experienced before. The joy I have feels like floating. If Heaven is this, then I want to dwell here forever. I fear it might go away, but hope that it doesn't. I think this is what "being saved" is feels like. To just exist in joy and love.

I think what makes people think this is "just too crazy" is that they don't think these moments will happen to them. Even as a faithful person, filled with spirit, I haven't ever been to this place. After asking "why me?" I ask... well "why NOT me?" "Why not EVERYONE?" Everyone should be this happy even if it doesn't last forever. I think that's why we're supposed to share love and joy with others so that maybe there's a trickle-down effect and joy will fill up people's hearts, over time, over-flowing to the point of this experiencing. It's magical. Like unicorns and mermaids. Which were totally in the Garden and Springs of Eden. Why not?

Last Call Worship

I'm not exactly a Carson Daly fan, since I have only seen two of his new shows that I can recall. However, the other night he had a couple of interesting things. First off I am glad he introduced me to another book discussing militarism which I would like to read. Secondly he showed this band's song Lean into the Fall-Mona. They recorded a live show Mona played at SXSW in Austin. At the show people were raising their hands, pumping fists, staring glossy-eyed, and generally really "into" the music.

If you have ever been to a show where you really loved the band, "that" particular song, were just awe-struck (not in the you-are-just-wanting-t0-get-with-the-lead-singer way) at the performance, you know what I'm talking about. I liked the song, but since I wasn't there, I wasn't "moved" to express myself in this way. In other words there wasn't an emotional height that I had reached to which my response was to move my arms or legs out of my normal set of motions (like walking or fiddling with my hair).

Anyway, I was watching these people dancing, jamming out, clapping and screaming in response to the music and whatever emotions and excitement it invoked. I sat wondering what the difference was with worship.

When people speak of worshiping God, the modern Christian will immediately jump to a list of ways that they like to worship. Common things are singing, praying and reading the Bible. Some would consider their tithe a way of worshiping God by means of obedience and commitment. Focusing on the music part, though traditional and contemporary music in the church buildings these days is obviously different than going to a concert, it's still music. In the same way, I would like to extend the parallel to the response to music (tapping feet, clapping hands, cheering, etc.) whether it is in a church or club is also worship.

You get what I'm trying to right? I'm saying that people, humans, whatever your beliefs are worship. I propose that worship is merely the natural, somewhat unconscious response to some sort of invocation. It is simply letting go and allowing SOMETHING to move through you. Whether you are a Christian and want to devote this worship to God, or you're another religion and devote it to God With A Different Name, or you're Hindu and call it Prana (life-force), or perhaps you are Obi-Wan and call it The Force, whatever.

Some people might agree that "worship" defined this way is mostly universal (let's account for exceptions), but will throw in that it does indeed matter "who" you're worshipping. I'm not so sure that this makes any sense at all. Coming from a Christian perspective, I "worship" God. I "put no Gods before God" as in I try my best not to worship idols.

A thought: if worshipping is "letting go" of one's self-consciousness and joining in a community of worship (whether others are physically present or not.. I believe you can worship "alone") then how COULD you be putting any other God before God. How can you even be directing your worship anywhere? To me, worshipping is the letting go... the giving up of restraining power... and submitting to the way in which the Spirit (or at the concert, the music) moves you. It is a conscious unconsciousness. Like returning to innocence. Just "being".

This experience if you are willing to attain it (whether at church, at a concert, a yoga session, etc.) is invigorating and life-giving, and I am thankful for it.

So see, yet another way that we as humans are the same, despite the words we use to describe our spirituality. I would be willing to bet that many of the "nonspiritual" people of the world have tapped a toe or caught themselves humming a tune at some point in time. I would be even more willing to bet that we were capable of physically expressing rhythm before we could verbal express much of anything.

Christ is Risen, but what does that mean?!

Easter. A singular event that changed the world in so many drastic ways. This is the day that represents to Christians that Jesus the Christ rose from the dead, proving that He was indeed the Son of God, though many did not believe it. Many still do not.

And why? Why is it that so many do not "believe" in Jesus? It's an easy answer, but difficult to admit.

Between the years that Christ rose from the dead and now, what has happened? Have people "who believed in Christ" slaughtered others who did not "in His Holy name"? Have others continued to live a life like Peter and reject Christ at the last minute? Do we continue to profess our love of Jesus Christ, but not do as he commands us and "love one another"? The answer is simple, sad, and "yes."

During the Good Friday services we repeat the words "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" because we do not do as Christ told us to do and love our neighbors as ourselves. Though some of us "accept Him into our hearts" (as if He, all-powerful, needs permission?) we keep him locked in the jail of our hearts instead of spreading his unconditional love to others. The question I have is "why?"

Why after all these years have we not "gotten it"? Why after all these years do we continue to crucify Jesus instead of following him? According to Rob Bell's interpretation of Hebrew literature and culture, Jesus invited his disciples because he KNEW that they COULD FOLLOW HIM. A rabbi did not invite just any disciples to follow, he usually chose the best of the best. But this prophet chose normal everyday dudes, fishermen, laborers to follow him. He continues to invite ALL PEOPLE TO HIS TABLE regardless of your faith, socioeconomic status, gender identity, age, race, marital status, cognitive capabilities, physical limitations (you get it right? EVERYONE).

So if Jesus had so much faith in us- no, not faith, KNOWLEDGE- then why do we not have faith in ourselves to do as he commands? Do we not have faith in ourselves to love our neighbor as we love ourselves? Do we not have faith that we can restore the world to wholeness and peace with the love we have for others?

Is it that we do not have faith? Or is it that we wish to continue in sin. Is it like Peter, we follow Jesus "in our hearts" but when asked in the face of danger, ostracization, or even personal material loss, do we say "I do not know Him" and instead of suffering ourselves, continue to live, while Jesus takes the fall. We put Jesus back up on the cross with nails and he continues to bleed, because of our denial.

Here's where I become radical. Here's where I do not know how NOT to be confrontational. I do not want eat un-fair trade chocolate or drink un-fair trade coffee, because it denies love to our neighbors in the world. People suffer and die so that we can eat 20 pieces of 50 cent candy on "Easter" morning from a plastic egg. (Don't get me on the subject of how "Easter" and the egg is actually a pagan tradition that Christians continue, yet also continue to violently condemn modern-pagan followers. Most Americans have Scottish or Irish Blood in them, why don't you try researching your own heritage.)

I cannot buy un-fair trade clothing. Every time I browse the aisles in Target or the mall and look at the cute fashionable clothes, I look at the tag. Guatemala, China, Ecuador, Vietnam, India. We have all heard about how we outsource everything now, and that we should support our country's economy by using our buying power to by local, Texas or U.S. made items. The other reason would be NOT to support sweatshops where children are forced to work in horrifying conditions. The average American adult wouldn't have the balls to step into the disgusting and violent situations that young children are forced to work in, so that you can by tank tops at 3 for $20 (only to throw them away at the end of the summer). You don't even have to go very far to find the violence. On the U.S./Mexican borders factories exist where bus-loads of women disappear on the way to or from home/work, later to be found dumped, evidently molested then murdered or left for dead. If you don't believe me, research maquiladoras, or better yet go there yourself. You could drive to Mexico and back on a 3-day weekend. But gas is just so expensive, I need a break from my 9-5 to relax, and oh yeah, I might not make it out alive.

Let's check out technology. You know the iPhone is "only" 50 bucks now! Since when in this economy is $50 not a big deal?! You know why it's 50 bucks right? Because the parts are made overseas. It's the same story, over and over.

I mentioned in a blog before, the book Everyday Justice by Julie Clawson It's has lots of information and will force you to make decisions about your real life. It helps open my eyes and my heart, bridging my "spiritual life" with my "real life". Instead of matters of faith staying in the church, or only about Jesus, my faith now guides my spending habits. That's good because people would rather talk money than love. So the way I've pledged to love my neighbors is to use my buying power lovingly and faithfully. The way I refuse to put Jesus on the cross time and time again is to truly follow him as a disciple and LOVE MY NEIGHBOR as he commands. By doing so, I can keep Him walking, talking, and ministering to people through love, instead of ridiculing him and his message, beating and spitting on him, mocking him with a crown of thorns, and driving nails into his hands and feet. Instead I propose washing his feet in return, and washing the feet of others. Passing bread and wine to others. Refusing to participate in the violence and suffering by supporting legitimate and ethical businesses, even if it means I must "sacrifice" by doing without the latest and greatest all the time.

There are so many other things I want to do, that will show more love to my neighbors around the world. I pray that God continues to challenge and convict me, and fill me with love to carry to everyone in the world. I hope that anyone who reads this knows the love I have for them, for every creation is sacred and beautiful. Thank God for the story of Jesus and his unconditional love. Hope exists in the world today, if we truly love one another. Our world may be pretty screwed up and broken, but with hope we can change it. Be the change. Be the way. Love.

Holy Week...

As Holy Week approaches, or we approach it, I am getting a little sad. Not just because of Jesus dieing, but because Lent will be over. I know it will be a celebration. But it seems like I'll be going back to the same ol' same ol'. In someways I have. I hadn't been sleeping very well and was really tired at work, so I bought a bag of fair trade coffee, telling myself that I did pretty well for most of the season, so I could give myself a break. As long as I don't get into the habit (like everyday) of drinking it, then I think I've accomplished something. I'm still pretty bummed that I didn't make it the whole 40 days.

Same with facebook. I am excited to get back on facebook and share things, see what others are up to. At the same time I'm disappointed that I didn't refrain the entire time. I've realized some strengths and weaknesses. One thing that makes me want to be on facebook is my loneliness. Living alone sucks, I don't care what anybody says. I used to say that I was "good to go" as single gal, and I am for the most part. But I really do believe we are not meant to live alone. It'll be good to be back in a few loops.

I was successful at the graham crackers. There was the least amount of temptation with these though I was offered one just today! Covered with dark chocolate nonetheless.

I am well-aware that I could continue my fast past the 40 days, but I think I've reached some valuable conclusions. One, I'm broken. Just like the rest of the world, I think giving into the temptations thrown at you will show that. That's why I need the restorative hope of Jesus. Two, even though I didn't "succeed" I learned a lot about myself. I experienced God in many ways. God inspired me to change my life and viewpoints and challenged me. So, whatever the point of fasting was, it was good. It was good, indeed.

As we enter Holy Week may we remember how broken we are. How broken were the people who crucified Jesus. How broken they tried to make him, but failed. Even today, we regard him as our Savior, the perfect Son of God. Though they tried to break the belief in Him, they did not succeed because Hope and Love is inextinguishable. Hope and Love, gifts from God, everlasting.

40 days IS a long time!

Ok, I'm debating SERIOUSLY what to do. I keep running into this dilemma with facebook. Graham crackers have not tempted me at all, especially since I don't have them available at my new job. A kid today was eating them, and I did not steal the graham out of his cute little fingers out of a crazed-deprived episode. I'm good-to-go there.

Coffee. I actually did have a cup of coffee since I began. One cup. There was a reason for it, which I don't really care to spell out, but it was physiological. If you have ever been a coffee drinker (or cigarette smoker) you might get the hint.

Anyway, facebook! I keep running into news articles or videos I want to repost! I want to add organizations to my "Likes" to network. I have seen the difference that facebook has had in my networking. Though I can officially resist the mindless status updating/checking- I still feel like I need this as a networking tool. I'm debating on whether to complete the 40 days or not. I am pretty sure I can, but I wonder if I'm doing more harm than not? Being separated from my online community not only sucks, but I can't spread positive or provocative articles anymore (accept for my blog) and get feedback (apparently people try to post comments and can't; I don't know why). What to do, what to do.

Is the point of resisting for 40 days just reflection on why you wanted those things? If Jesus fasted for 40 actual days, I can't imagine fasting the way he did, eating like a scavenger. It's hard enough trying to only eat local and fair trade! If he fasted for "a long time" which is sometimes how the "40 days" is interpreted, then how long is long enough? Do you just have to reach some conclusions after careful introspection? If so... I've done that. I've seen when and where I fail- for what reasons. I've seen what affect my three items have/had in my life. I've seen how I just replace some of them with other things, and then how I've healed myself from certain attachments. I'm not OCD or anything, but I definitely get stuck on things. Instead of spending a bunch of time on facebook I've been reading more books and getting more involved with my community, which is great. However, I've alienated my online community which is important to me as well.

Here's something I'd like to share. It's a link to the Disciples website (the church I'm a member of). I really like the conviction of repairing the fragmented world that we live in. I'm convicted to do that, "called" if you will.

Also, if you'd like to help out Japan, check out Week of Compassion. That's who we give some of our offerings to. They have a cool booklist too!

Also x 2, here's another cool thing. It's like Tom's Shoes, but you can buy t-shirts and posters to help people who need help: Love Your Neighbor I bought a men's small.

I just finished reading Rob Bell's Love Wins. I will have to write a review! Let's just say for now though that I loved it. :)

Many blessings! Shalom <3

Feeding the Spirit; Speaking Love into Existence

I realize that many people don't constantly ask, answer, re-ask, and re-answer the question, "What are we doing here?", but... I do. As soon as I find a purpose, I again ask, "why?" I am on a constant search for answers, which lead to more questions, more answers, and more questions.

Today, I went to a prayer seminar at my church. We learned different ways to worship, some which may help us connect with God more or in a different way we connected before. After considering the words of a particular song we were singing, I couldn't help but turn over one of the instruction sheets and start writing. In a sense, I felt compelled to do so, or "moved". The words in the song and probably the general peaceful and worshipful ambiance surrounding me inspired me to write.

It is about "wonder" that I was inspired. My constant asking "why" about a million things a day, I believe, is the spirit moving within me, or inspired. I think Jesus wants us to ask, "why?" To constantly stand in wonder. We claim he is "wonderful"... that doesn't just mean "great". It means full of wonder. Jesus WAS (and is) full of wonder himself. To me, that means that Jesus was constantly asking questions.

According to the Bible he certainly knew a lot about the human condition as the people who wrote the gospels proclaim. He spent a lot of time praying and talking to God, which probably involved a lot of introspection. I think he wants us to do that. He wants us to seek righteousness and give love. In order to actually do this, I have done a lot of thinking and praying. A lot of introspection to evaluate if everything I actually do is righteous and loving. Of course it isn't. I fail all the time- which is why forgiveness of others AND the self is so important.

Sure, lots of people don't believe in Jesus. I am on the fence about evangelism because in my mind and heart I want to heal the world. I think that by sharing the message of Hope that Jesus embodies is important if people don't have any (how could you live without hope?). But I don't necessarily believe in converting people from their inherited religion or cultural beliefs completely. The reason I don't "believe" in this, is because so much of what I understand about religion, and how I express my faith through worship is almost an acquired behavior. I sing, pray with my hands folded, read the Bible, sit silently, listen to preachers, take communion, because I always have. I grew up that way. It would be such a difficult transition to have all that taken away from me, if I were told I could not worship through these means.

On the other hand (thank you, Greeks), if someone doesn't have hope, I believe in giving it to them. I think that we are to send messages of love and hope and healing to the whole world. I think evangelism can be more of "outreach" and helping fulfill the earthly needs of people. I believe all people are spiritual beings (even if they decline it) in some way. When you meet someone's earthly needs, I think it can translate to the spiritually as well. Even if it takes a long time.

The reason I think we are spiritual beings even if people decline it, is if we are not, we would not be expressive. I think we all have the capability and necessity to express ourselves, otherwise we would be robots. I also believe (sadly) that some people operate as robots. They lack quality of life because their spirit has been repressed, oppressed, or depressed. This is terrible, and why I believe in Hell.

I've experienced places of Hell in my life already. No, I wasn't starving, beaten, or kicked around by a dictator. But my heart has been tortured. I have experienced severe betrayal. I have faced some harsh realities in life thus far.

Praise be to God and Jesus, the Light of Hope that I have been pulled out of this spiritual form of hell on earth. It is because hope existed, because something better for me and bigger than myself, that I pursued on and did not give up. It is because of this everyday, that I continue my life in pursuit of love and living.

There may very well be a heaven and hell after we die. Who am I to know, not having been there to see? I think it exists here too. We may spend a few days in hell, reach a realization, and by the Grace of God be removed and start living again, refreshed and rid of the anxieties of the days. We may spend days living happily and joyously, without a care in the world, until disaster strikes. We don't have money to pay the bills. A family members passes and we are in mourning. We go through anxiety and sadness, and perhaps fall deeper into a depression where we can not longer see the joyous light we experienced before. This is hell. Thankfully, hopefully, someone else is there to bring us out of the shadows and show us the path of hope, the road back to living, back to heaven. We rejoice.

I am no different than any other. If anything, I'm more blessed and sheltered from 'the ways of the world' than most, considering I live in America. For that I am thankful and sorrowful at the same time. So what to do now? I think we should step out into the world and speak words of love to everyone. I believe in the power of the tongue, the influence of words (and actions). May every moment I speak love, peace and healing to all.

Oh Geez! Confession Time.

I realize there is probably legitimate well-researched data on the etymology of "geez," however I want to write my own speculation.

When people say "geez," I think they could be referring to either of a couple things (probably without realization). It could either be short for "Jesus" or a lengthening of the "G" of "God".

Lot's of people "take the Lord's name in vain" even if they don't believe in "the Lord," that particular deity or any deity at all. Some consider it a sin, though, my personal perspective is it is irrelevant if it is a sin or not. If it is, so be it. If it isn't, I'm sure I've committed plenty of other sins besides this one.

Saying "Geez!" instead of "Jesus Christ!" or "Oh, Gee!" instead of "Oh, God!" is *I think* a method of expressing oneself in some sort of negative way (in vain- though the definition does not exactly encompass all negativity) without "taking the Lord's name in vain." However... if we really wanted to escape this phenomenon we would completely do without using "His Name" even in an abbreviated version. Why not say, "Oh, Daffodil!"?

For some reason, we really do want to refer to God or Jesus when we are upset. Another way of thinking of this is a sort of brief passionate prayer. Perhaps what we are really doing is not "taking the Lord's name in vain" (in vain- meaning lacking substance or worth), but rather calling upon God and/or Jesus for guidance, comfort, or strength.

I haven't really been thinking about the above for long. What I have been thinking about is Lent. About how difficult it has been to stay away from the three things I chose to cut out. As soon as I thought I had it down, the craving for coffee or graham crackers creeps up. I put myself in situations, like not packing anything to eat for work. Or not sleeping (not on purpose) all night and having to work the next day. I have managed to ward off these temptations. I don't see either product as evil (though.. I do see some wrong in unfairly traded coffee and the individual wrappers of the graham's at work).

As far as facebook goes- CONFESSION- I checked it AGAIN! After reading some more about Japan, I remembered that a college friend of mine had lived there for several years and recently married a lady from there. I don't know what city they were in, and I didn't know if they were back in the United States. Even though I don't keep up with Clint and have never met his new wife, I was still desperate to know whether or not he was alive. So, I checked. It appeared that he and his wife are in the U.S. so I clicked out quickly.

In retrospect, since I don't really know how Clint or his new family are affected by the explosion's aftermath, I don't I made a mistake. Sure, it's worth confessing because it raises a good question, but a sin? I'm not so sure.

The discipline of fasting shows me how transfixed I was on certain things. How involved those things were in my life. I got up and fixed coffee every day out of habit. I didn't always enjoy ever sip of coffee. I certainly didn't always need the "pick me up" the caffeine provided. Much of the time, my consumption was without purpose.

The same goes with graham. Graham crackers are always available at work and require no premeditated thought. They aren't even THAT filling, and though compared with a Little Debbie are more nutritious, aren't THAT healthy.

Facebook however, is sometimes useful. It's a quick easy way to get useful information. Even though checking and updating statuses a zillion times a day is obsessive and often NOT purposeful (except for an individual's eg0), it is often a good source for networking and sharing news (I love checking Taylor and Ravenna's links), and keeping up with my far-off friends (Leilani and Ally, I miss you) and family (all of you!).

I'm going to stick with my Lenten commitment even though I've failed twice now. I think there's a message herein as well. Thanks to the Hope in Transformation Christ shows us through his Resurrection, we can begin anew... in every moment of every day. So just because I screw up a few times... or... a zillion times... I can start over. Thank you Everlasting Everlastance.

PS- YOU can do this too... believe it or not ;)

God, Satan, Jesus, Chomsky, James and John walk into a bar...

So for Lent I gave up three things: graham crackers, coffee, and facebook. I have already failed once (though... only once).

I gave up graham crackers because I eat way too many of them at work. Though I have recently gained a few pounds, I think that is more hormonal than because of the grahams. Eating so many individually wrapped packages of graham crackers goes against my religion. Wait no, it actually goes against my attempt to lessen my impact on the landfills. Too must plastic! I have not eaten a graham cracker since Shrove Tuesday.

Coffee. Since reading about coffee and chocolate, I decided to only drink/eat fair trade coffee/chocolate. I gave up coffee completely for Lent because it contributes to inflammation. I've been having a lot of flare-ups with my joints again recently so this choice might be a forever choice... not just forty days. I have been successful and not had a single cup since Shrove Tuesday.

Ok... here's where the devil tempted me. Facebook. I checked my facebook news the day of the tsunami because my cousin moved to Hawaii less than two weeks ago. I only checked it once, didn't find an update, so I texted her. I haven't checked it since.

What I've found is that after a few days, the temptation of partaking in my fasted items has lessened. The temptation only lasts for a couple minutes for a cup of coffee. Once I say "no" in my head, I'm good to go. It's an issue of mind over matter I guess.

There are some people who believe in "speaking things into existence." Conversely, some may believe in NOT saying things, to ensure that they don't come true. A friend quickly brought up the example of not saying "Voldemort" in the Harry Potter series, because the more you say his name, the more power he gains. This is actually a real psychological tactic I've used, and I imagine others use as well.

I think this is rooted in James 3:1-12. I asked a co-worker/friend how she stays calm in such an anxiety ridden place as the one in which we work (a hospital). She pointed me to a passage in John which talked about not allowing our hearts to be anxious and troubled. The James passage says the tongue (our speech) is like a ship's rudder that directs the course of something larger than us. This SEEMS true, and according to Chomsky's "A Review of B.F. Skinner's Verbal Behavior", verbal behavior is "[a] remarkably complex phenomenon," (Chomsky 1959). This paper criticizes Skinner's verbal behavior theory or loosely put- the influence of our words. Both scholars acknowledge the movement of influence of language on others.

Have you been searching for the bar joke concerning God, the Devil, Jesus, James, John and Noam Chomsky? I haven't made it up yet. I just thought it was an interesting title that would get people to read my blog. See how the manipulation or "traps" work? Was it a trap, or was it using my words to direct a path? "Manipulation" seems evil. To "direct" seems less evil. "Guide" seems well-intended. There's a point here: obviously, some perspective is involved. Also though, is there is passage of time and events that is involved. When discussing whether is something is "good" or "evil" it often depends on the end result.

When things go well in our lives, like "successfully" fasting on graham crackers and coffee, we attribute these things with thanks to God... as blessings. When things happen that are bad or evil, often we blame the devil. However, I think what James points out, is that we take an ACTIVE part... we are the means, by which either the God or Devil... good things or bad things... take place in the world. This is why being responsible and making sound decisions (like, not hurting others) is important. Our influence in the world may be infinite, and we have the choice (free will) to allow God to be apart of it- to be a vessel of blessings- or to let the devil take over -to be a vessel of hate.

Here's another thing. Though it has been relatively easy to "say no" to the temptations calling me to drink coffee (which may actually be physiological since it was a bit of a habit) or eat graham's and facebook, it has opened my eyes to the other "temptations" or opportunities for me to steer my rudder-speech into ghastly stormy waters. This week my boss made me cry, because she said I was being disrespectful to her. I probably was a little disrespectful, though not rude, because I thought she made a bad call which could result in a patient choking on a food he wasn't supposed to eat. He ended up not choking, even though she gave him the wrong food (against doctor's orders). Here, the end result was fine, though partially by chance. It is still likely that this person could choke on this particular food if he eats it again.

How could I have been a better vessel? I tried to be a deliverer of care (good) but ended up also being a vessel of distress to my boss via disrespect (bad).

In addition, when I expressed to a male co-worker my interest in the ministry, he contributed that he did not believe that women should hold positions in the church. He gave some half-way legit reasoning (at least he had a reason!), though I still disagree. In return I gave him some half-way legit appeal. The conversation was short and civil.

Later, yet another co-worker (who had overheard both conversations) came over to an exhausted me, gave me a hug, and reminded me that the devil tempted Jesus while he fasted in the desert for forty days. I think this is a wonderful metaphor for our lives. While we walk into the unknown future labyrinth of life, we will leave marks. We will be tempted to leave bad marks. But if we attempt to be mindful and observe the consequences of our tongues (and actions) we may leave a good mark, a good energy, a good influence on our neighbors. To me, this is God's commandment, as expressed in "Love one another" (1 John 4:7).

http://cogprints.org/1148/1/chomsky.htm. A Review of B. F. Skinner's Verbal Behavior" in Language, 35, No. 1 (1959), 26-58.

No Children were abused in the process of making these brownies... seriously.

A few of my friends and I started a book club. We're reading our first book called Everyday Justice by Julie Clawson. Not only do I recommend it, I am of the stronger belief that it should be required of every person in this country that is "able to make ends meet."

The chapter I'm in the midst of reading and mourning is about chocolate. Most people think of chocolate as a sin because if you eat too much of it you get fat. It's a luxury for sure- easy to get addicted to, take advantage of- a way to abuse your body. Coffee has acknowledge similar traits (though NOT from the same plant!). Admittedly, many people drink coffee and caffeine as a legal drug. Why is it that we so harshly judge those who partake in illegal drugs? (This is not meant to justify illegal drugs or any drugs.)

Well, guess what?! Just like partaking in illegal drugs and the crime associated with drug trade, we participate in the same crime by eating chocolate and drinking coffee. Little children and adults are forced into slavery every day to pick cocoa and coffee beans. The slave trade that existed in the 19th century still exists today (though slavery is illegal worldwide). Companies like Nestle and Herseys knowingly buy cocoa that come from farms run by slaves and ghastly slave drivers. Then we buy the chocolate. It's cheaper for US... paid for by the LIVES of OTHER PEOPLE.

There's a reason that we pay for "quality" aka TRUE COST. Why is it that we believe we are to live in the lap of luxury? Why is it that we work so hard, just so that we can spend our money on things that don't last and don't fulfill us? Why, why, why?

These brownies were made with cocoa that says it is organic and fair trade. The canister cost $7.00, and I used 1/3 of it. Originally intended for my church's hospice group, I made them a week early, so am taking them to work. I don't eat brownies every day. In fact, I'm not sure of the last time that I ate one before today. Oh yeah, and not only were not any kids beaten in the process, but that taste really good! They taste even better without that tinge of blood.

I realize that this post is harsh, graphic and perhaps not very uplifting. We are approaching the season of Lent. Christ, many years ago, DIED for our SINS. He also gave us HOPE through his TRANSFORMATION. There will be sadness in the world always. There will also always be hope.

I am grateful today for the gift of LIFE. I choose to live it as a servant of the Lord and Creation (you all). May whoever reads this, also be grateful. Know that you are loved! Know that you have a purpose! Know that there is HOPE in CHANGE! Know that you have the ability to share that hope and love to others by the choices you make in every moment of your beautiful life.

counselors

This post is dedicated to my community of friends, my councelors, my family, the world, and God. As is... every post. :)

Being a Prophet and Sharing Good News...

This past summer I moved into a converted garage apartment. I no longer live there. It did not function very well, or better said, was not up to my standard of living. The window unit did not work very well, and there were some holes where the windows met the walls and sill. Some of the windows just kind of fell out of the frame when I wasn't home, so keeping cool air in was practically impossible.

I spent most of my time outside when I wasn't working, probably because being "inside" was the same temperature most of the time. There was a nice yard that I shared with the other women on the property. I practiced yoga outside daily. My practice was much deeper than it is now. I think the extreme heat inspired me to do so.

As I became more comfortable with my standard set of sun salutations and various other asanas, I experimented with more. I placed my arms and legs in positions according to my spirit. It was not a listening experience, but more of a discovery. I think my mind said, "Let's see if this position stretches something that needs to be stretched, that hasn't been stretched yet."

After I "made-up" a few of "my own" poses, I decided I would do some research, more study on Yoga, to learn more "real" poses. Alas! The poses "I" had "created" were in the book I found in the library. Amazing! It was a curious and an empowering discovery. I thought to myself... "Could I be one of those gurus of Yoga in the making?" I thought it was a pretty crazy idea. I read more about some gurus in this book, and other students' experience in learning from them. They were so disciplined, and even though I practiced yoga frequently and prayed a lot, I was certainly not as disciplined as them. So surely, the answer was "no"... I probably was not a guru-in-the-making.

Because I believe I am filled with the Spirit of God, I devote my practices to the Divine Spirit. This is greatly acknowledged throughout my practice, that I am merely a house for the Spirit of the Lord. It is simply acknowledged at the end, by saying "Namaste" which to me, is an offering of thanks to God for the Life I experience.

I have thought about this now for months (not REALLY a long time, I know!), but I think that in a way, we all have that ability to be prophets. Something emerged within me to create poses. I created them for the first time for my particular body, as a teacher never taught them to me. However, as the book I found showed me, I was not THE creator of these poses. I was not the first to have ever put my body in those positions. Only in my arrogance and ignorance could I claim to be the first.

Again, being of the faith that I am, I devote this emergence of poses (as with all of my ideas and experiences) to God, the Creator of Creation, who dwells within me. Did God speak to me through a burning bush and tell me to create "squatting tree" (elegant sounding, I know!)? No. But my asanas are physical manifestations of God because they are creative and expressive.

So, like my experience with creating yoga asanas by some kind of emergence or inspiration of Spirit, so are my ideas. So are YOUR ideas.

I do not claim to be the ONLY prophet. I suggest that we all have this capability. What is a prophet? Is it not a person who shares new-found good news? If we "tap into" our Spirit, which to me is the Spirit of God, and have an "epiphany"... isn't that usually some kind of "good news"? Some kind of "realization"? Something that... maybe already existed, but was just "made clear" to you? Don't you normally go around telling people about these things?

How many conversations do you start that go like this:

"I was reading in this book/paper/article about this... I realized 'that's me' or 'I think that too!'"

-or-

How many times do you work hard at something that you really want to do, like building a certain project, or creating a work of art... you complete it finally, step back and say, "Wow! I can't believe I finished it. And it actually looks good!" You share your mini-masterpiece with others. Usually they are inspired by your hard work, creativity and perseverance.

When you share with others "your" epiphanies or "your" finished projects, you often inspire them to think or do something. Maybe they walk away thinking, "Hey, I could do something like that!" or "I never thought of that before." You have in a sense shared some good news, a part of your spirit. It survives and grows. Your influence being a catalyst for growth in another persons life. You yourself have become a prophet.

We all know that both good news and bad news is spread in the world. I am called to be a spreader of GOOD news, though I find myself spreading bad news as well. It is difficult to turn bad things into good, or at least even be non-reactive. It is through my practice of mindfulness and attempt at constant prayer that gives me strength not to participate in sharing bad news (gossip, telling lies, calling names, professing judgements, etc). I fail of course. I fail more than I want to confess. THIS is why Jesus is so important. It is not "okay" that I fail, but it is inevitable. Jesus however showed us that though we as mere humans are destructive, if we are filled with the spirit of God, and answer the higher calling, the destruction that we either create (as people who put Jesus up on the cross) or the destruction that we suffer (as Christ suffered on the Cross) will create something new. Christ was resurrected and transformed into something new, as the Creator God promised he would. Christ's death which was devastating, was turned into Good News later, as he rose again. Today, we talk about Jesus's Life and Death in both terms of sadness and rejoice, but overall his whole story is Good News.

Just as Jesus devoted his life and death to God according to his calling, I believe we as postmodern-day prophets are to do this as well. A complete Life is not all about "living it up". Sacrifice is sometimes necessary to make living within a community (the community of the world) function. We as middle class Americans, give a little and take a lot. This unbalance is not Good News, as it will not inspire much of anything except more greed and selfishness. Maybe we should give a little, and take a little less. Actually sacrifice some of ourselves, kind of like Jesus did. There are few that will walk along this narrow path, and I haven't met anyone as full of the Spirit of the Jesus that I've heard of. But it would be pretty sweet to hear of more. A sweet sweet sound indeed.

To be cultivated...

The tears of the believer is a result of the realization that she is the old version, full of ruin... the part that does not move on. The rejoice of the believer is the knowing that evolution and transformation is possible.

One we can see as transformed is Christ. He embodies the transformation. The evolution- the making of something new- into something better.

In day in time we speak in terms of sustainability. This life is only sustainable with balance which includes our physical death. We both praise and mourn this once we reach the age of realization, that we do not live forever. We praise that there is something new and wonderful ahead. We mourn the leaving of what we know and understand in the present.

The hope of something better comforts us so that we may live. But live righteously- for the creation, your offspring, so that not only will the world around them be evolved for the better, but so that they will be a better version, an evolved version of you.

Ruin is the road to transformation, as Christ shows us through his Life and Death. We can see this physically as well as we die, return to dust, and give new life to the soil, plants and the rest of the food chain. We do go from dust to dust.

There are times in my life like today where I mourn. I mourn many things, the sadness of the world, my lack of direction and purpose, my lack of someone to care for. It is from this mourning that I am inspired to write. From the sadness, comes realization and creation. After writing, I rejoice in the words that have come. Knowing that more will follow, both mourning and rejoicing, I continue.

For my friends: Atheists, Buddhists, Christians, And Whatever Else You Are

I find myself reading the video and article posts of friends on facebook every day. I am genuinely intrigued as to how to approach each of them. I find myself drawn to the practicality and reason that many Atheists present, however I still connect with the meditation of a Buddhist, the prayer of a Yogi, the integration of animals and nature of a Pagan, and the heritage and profound symbolism of Hope, Compassion, Faith and Love of Christ.

My hope in the future is that the conversations between all people of all beliefs (whether political, religious, spiritual, sexual preference, race, language, etc.) are able to be peaceful. Truly be Unified in Diversity. To be kind to one another, though we may disagree.

I think what we disagree on mostly is our form of expression. Even within the church people argue about what style of worship is best. Old people want less praise and worship. Young people want less hymns. It is so wonderful that the church I attend offers a Unified Service in which both styles are present.

People judge others based on their expressions and behaviours all the time. SOME conservative people don't like how "expressive" or "theatrical" (those are the nicest ways it's said, I am aware) SOME liberal people are. SOME liberal people don't like how "snooty" or "rigid" (again... the nicest ways it's said) SOME conservative people are. I capitalize SOME, because it is important to realize it IS NOT ALL.

Whichever group you find yourself in or out of, we could probably agree on this:

No one likes to feel stupid. No one likes to be the outcast.

Just as one looks into her/his closet and sees an array of colors and picked a blue shirt, I have picked Christianity. I debate with myself on how much of a choice I had, because part of me so naturally identifies with it, but I acknowledge my free will as well. And just because I choose to express my spirituality in this manner, does not mean I am unreasonable. I am quite capable of having reasonable conversations. I have studied history, philosophy, evolutionary biology, psychology, literature and linguistics. No, I'm not an expert on any of these, but I can hold a reasonable conversation.

There are times when I get upset because the impression I get from some Atheists is that because I am a woman of Faith... I am stupid and unreasonable. This makes me sad, just as it makes me sad to see Christians treat Atheists as Immoral or people of a different colors, languages, ages, "different" as if being different (as they certainly are) is a bad thing thus making them incapable/unworthy of communication.

I can't help but think to myself/pray to God, "Why can't we all get along?" as I used to do as a child when I saw or experienced other hurtful experiences. This post, is an expression or offering along those lines. Why CAN'T we just get along?

I offer this as peaceful bridge.

Below are some links to videos friends have posted that I wanted to stockpile. Probably add more later.

On Religion

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_dennett_s_response_to_rick_warren.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6NPq_kPSUM#t=1m04s

On Gay Marriage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rfobL3900wI

Spring

Spring. Though it is not "officially" spring, today is the beginning in my mind. I am inspired by the warmth I feel on my bare arms, and the slight breeze that blows my skirt around my feet as I eat black beans and rice outside on the stoop in the afternoon sunshine.

I have been researching and reading about Ash Wednesday, Lent and Easter lately, looking for prayers in preparation of the upcoming season. It came to my attention a few years ago, the question of why we celebrate Easter, the Death and Resurrection of Christ, in the Spring. We celebrate his Birth in the dreary months of winter, which is famously and somewhat universally a symbol of death.

Why did the church leaders of the path make this so? It has become common myth (myth because it is hearsay and I have not SEEN evidence) that these dates are flip-flopped (and please correct me if I'm wrong). But that way back in the day Christ was actually BORN in April, and DIED in what we know as December.

If this is indeed true (the flip-floppiness), I think it is a smart move from whoever decided it. During the Spring, Christians are reminded that there is indeed physical Death, that we will inevitably experience. We are reminded in the midst of Spring Celebration, that there is always Mourning to come. Whether it is mourning in our personal lives such of a family member, but also that Life is not all a bed of roses, which begin their bloom in the Spring.

Just as we are reminded of Death, in the midst of our Celebration of Spring, we are reminded of Birth in winter. During the long cold, dark, harsh winter months, we are oppressed by Nature and limited in some of our activities. But in the midst of this, Christ is Born! A signal that something great is to come in the future, thus we Rejoice! A Light in the Dark!

How clever of someone to have set this tale... Well, at least for this side of the Earth. I suppose the other side is celebrating at the appropriate time!?

How am I supposed to put myself in Jesus's shoes, if He didn't wear any?

On the way to work I heard the song "How Many Kings" by Downhere. It catalyzed the following.

What we as Christians are asking of others is to be freed. Freed from works, freed from the ways of the world- the anxieties and worries and obligations... our daily burdens. Some religions may require a certain process in order to reach 'good standing' with God/Gods (like works, sacrifices, stewardship, etc.). Perhaps they require some or all of these things in order to have salvation, or an entry into Heaven or What Lays Beyond Death.

Think of it as a ticket. What do you have to do to get a ticket into Heaven (whatever that is..)? Christ tells us we do not have to have anything but Him. It was his blood shed on the cross that paid our way into heaven. There are no strings attached. No stewardship, works, deeds, sacrifices, prayers, promises, or time lived "without sinning" is necessary to have eternal life. Ok, ok... you're saying, "Duh!"

What about people who say... "you must accept Jesus into your heart" or "just believe in Him" to get into Heaven... Is this correct? Isn't that adding a little something something to this salvation business? Didn't Jesus save everyone? And didn't he do that ohhhh 2011 years ago? My thought: It already happened. He already saved you, me and everyone in between.

I think one failure as Christians is sometimes we worship Heaven itself. We don't even know what it entails! Is it "sitting in clouds after we die playing harps all day" as my pastor laughingly described? Is it a molecular fusion in some meta-universe? Is it becoming a star in the mysterious night sky?

I don't know. No one knows. There is no way to experience what happens after we die because we cannot transcend time. Perhaps Christians shouldn't focus so much on what happens after we die... because we aren't in control of that anyway. Also, if Jesus already came and saved everyone... then you're good to go. There's no reason to waste your breath in "saving people" because it's already been done.

A month or so ago my pastor said something that has stuck in my mind and been on repeat almost every day. He said, "The Kingdom of God is Now." Whether in context or out, it is so profound to me. Don't we normally think of the Kingdom of God as... Heaven? Which... is NOT now? How, pray tell, can this be?!

The phrases "God is always with us" and "God is everywhere and everything" come into mind. These ideas are basically saying that God is an active part of THIS life. On earth. I think most Christians would agree with this. If that's true... then the Kingdom IS now... on earth. Sure, perhaps it is also Heaven or the Afterlife, but if you believe that God is active in your daily life... then you are also saying that the Kingdom is Here and Now.

So.... what does that have to do with anything? Let's look at how Jesus fits now. Above, we talked about his pivotal role in Salvation. But that Salvation had to do with "getting into Heaven"... So how does our "salvation" by the sacrifice of Christ apply in our "earthly life" or God's Kingdom... which is also HERE and NOW. In other words... how does Christ act as the Savior in our daily lives (not just in our eternal life)?

What does Christ do? Doesn't he go around telling people that materialism is bad? To not worship possessions? The answer is yes. If you do not worship possessions, as in worry about where you will get the newest phone or most fashionable clothes, then that alleviates stress in your life. Christ also says that He is your daily bread and drink. We all know that you cannot biologically live on just the Word of God alone... we don't digest paper very well. Though, how many of us worry about 'getting a meal to the table' and yet aren't eating just plain rice and beans. As long as you have SOMETHING to eat (about 1500 calories should do the trick) then what are you stressing out about? Or.. what are you worshiping? Really good food? That pizza that your heart desires? Yeah, quit stressing about your food bill you, pizza worshipper!

What else do you stress out about? What else worries you? One way Christ can help us quit worrying (or saving us from worry) is to simply try to envision that day. There's Jesus... carrying a big-ass cross on his back, while being yelled at and cursed at, stones being thrown at, blood dripping down every inch of his body, WILLINGLY, in order to save these weary souls.... Put yourself in His shoes. Oh wait, he probably didn't even have shoes. Now... in comparison to the torture that He went through that day, is your problem really that great? I'm thinking the answer is "no". I can see Jesus sitting up in Heaven on a nice fluffy cloud shaking his head saying, "Aww, poor baby, did you get to work 5 minutes late? Ha! Try getting lynched with a cat-of-nine tails and then having your appendages driven into wood with 2 inch-wide nails!"

See? Jesus can save us in our earthly life as well. The story of his Crucifixion reminds us that... life really is not that bad. Especially for those who are reading this blog. I read someone's facebook status the other day that said something like, "If you have the privilege of Internet access in order to read this facebook status, your life really cannot be that bad!" Sometimes we just have trouble keeping life in perspective, what matters and what doesn't. Jesus tells us basically that most things in the world do not matter. What matters is your journey of being a good person, your willingness to die to the ways of the world in the service of humankind.

Love. This is one of the key lessons of Jesus. Do you live your life, in every second of every day in accordance to love? I have a natural tendency to be selfish. I think most humans do. I try to love everyone, but sometimes I fail, and act on my own accord. We are inherently like this, which is why God tells us that we must love each other. This is the path of the Light. Otherwise we fall into darkness. It is much easier to live in darkness and selfishness. But if you do not try to live otherwise as much as you can, darkness and heathenism will take over. That will be the end of man-kind on the earth. It will probably be the end of most life on the earth since we are so prevalent and kill everything in our way.

The point of this, is that the narrow road that Christ wants you to walk is not necessarily one of deeds, but is one of love. People think that it means not breaking the law, or not having sex before marriage... but it doesn't necessarily mean that. I think whatever is done out of love... is Love. Whatever is done out of spite, selfishness or hate... is Hate. So... those Christians who are still prejudice whether it's about sexual orientation, race, what people are wearing or what kind of music they listen to... those are still hateful people and are heathens living in darkness. People minding their own business and going out of the way to spread love and peace to others, are living in the light (whether they are "Christian" or not).

I have to develop these ideas more. I beg for comments and criticism in order to further this conversation and make more sense of it! The lyrics to that song are copied below.

How Many Kings by Downhere

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we've projected
A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we've waited for?

Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he'll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we've waited for?
It's who we've waited for